


All That You Can't Leave Behind

by Mister_Spock



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt!Spock, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 12:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15582036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mister_Spock/pseuds/Mister_Spock
Summary: Spock is forced to pay the price for a minor planetary mishap.However, it seems there's more at work here than just a simple debt to pay and it is one that Spock will have to pay a high price for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in ages so thought I should start off with a nice multi-chapter angsty fic. Title is lifted from the song Walk On by U2.

“Someone tell me something positive about this situation,” Kirk said, as he sat in the ready room. 

“Sir, they are prepared to speak to you, and let you speak to Commander Spock, but they won't allow a negotiation that interferes with their customs.” Uhura informed him.

Kirk sighed. “This is ridiculous.”

“Their building's are sacred to them, Captain,” Ensign Briggs filled in. He was one of the science officers who'd been on the planet with Spock and the others when the incident had taken place.

“I understand that, but you were with the landing party and every account I've seen, every person I have spoken too said it was accidental. Spock lost his footing and put a hand out to steady himself against the building. That was it, right?”

“Yes Sir, but it still violates their beliefs and their own strict customs regarding a violation have to be adhered too. Even Spock agrees.” Briggs said. 

“Of course Spock agrees.” 

“Sir,” Uhura said, sliding a PADD across to him. “The good news here is that the K'Jar are non violent. Although they are strict that there has to be a consequence for the action, they'll be no violence.” 

“What is their idea of punishment?”

“Five days in their cell.” Brigg said, checking the PADD in his hand to make sure his facts were correct as he remembered them. 

“Five days? Seems harsh for touching a wall.”

“A sacred building, Captain.” Uhura reminded him. 

“It's still ridiculous.” 

“Whether it is or not, you need to meet with the Chief and agree to his terms so that the punishment can begin.” 

“Okay, get co-ordinates and I'll beam down. The sooner this is over with, the sooner we can be on our way.” 

~

Some good did come from the situation. 

After Kirk agreed the terms of Spock's violation, he was allowed to see him briefly. Spock was uninjured and unconcerned about the brief sentence. As Spock meditated often, the time would pass quickly enough, he assured Kirk. He was taken away to a building to carry out the sentence.  
In the next four days, Kirk established a deal with the K'Jar to join the Federation and made sure that the information regarding buildings was well known.  
He transported down on the day of Spock's release and organised a meeting with the Chief. 

He was led into the Chief's chambers and seated as an honoured guest. 

“This is really not necessary, I have only come down to escort Mister Spock back to the Enterprise now that his sentence has been carried out.” 

“I apologise, Captain. I do not understand.” 

“Mister Spock was sentenced to five days and he's carried out that sentence.”

“No, Captain. Not five day. You misunderstand.”

“This was the agreement you made with us. Five days.”

~

“How did this happen?” McCoy asked as he followed Kirk along the ships winding corridors. 

“The universal translator didn't pick up the subtle difference in time.” Kirk replied

“It's not the Captain's fault, the language is tricky,” Uhura said. 

“Yeah, I know, I'm not blaming Jim.” McCoy relented. 

They reached the bridge and Kirk went to his chair. “Uhura, I need you to get hold of Starfleet so I can fill them in on this situation. I doubt they're going to let us sit and wait this out.”

“So, we're leaving him there and just going off into space?” McCoy asked, his fury rising again.

“I've requested that the 'punishment' be evaluated again and stressed the importance of our mission. The Chief is speaking to the elders and considering it.”

“Okay, listen up everyone, I'll make a ship wide announcement if I have too, but for now this information stays on the bridge, okay? But it seems that Spock's punishment is weeks, not days. Now we're hoping to negotiate with them and that they allow Spock to be released which would be the perfect outcome but how often do things go our way. It is worth noting that the K'Jar are very peaceful and this is strictly to do with their beliefs about the sacredness of their buildings, nothing more.”

“Captain? The Chief is ready for you to meet him.” Uhura informed him. 

~

“Captain Kirk, while we appreciate your position, it is not possible for us to forgo the punishment that has been agreed upon. We have never allowed it for our own people and to forgive an outsider would be deemed highly inappropriate.” 

It was the news Kirk was dreading he might hear but the response he had prepared for. He couldn't help but wonder if the universal translator was translating all of his and the Chief's words correctly after the earlier mishap. It was rare for an error to occur with one but he did know they had the potential to fail. “I understand your position and accept that you deem this punishment fair and just. I do ask for one concession. Mister Spock believes also that he is facing a 5 day imprisonment. Would you allow me to see him and let him know of the error we made with regards to his stay here?”

The Chief did not reply quickly. One of the others present with him spoke to him quietly. The Chief eventually turned his attention back to Kirk. “You are allowed to see your ship mate however, you must leave all technology behind. Just you.” 

Kirk smiled gratefully. “Of course.” He only had him communicator with him and handed it to over as requested. 

~

Spock did not realise how pleased he was to hear the distant sound of the locks being pulled of the building he was captive in. 

Although he had been self-assured meditation would be possible here, it had alluded him. He was used to creating his own unique atmosphere when attempting meditation and this dull and damp cell was far removed from it.  
He was tired mentally and ready to return to the ship. 

The steps got louder until his cell door was opened and he did not stop the slight quirk of his lips upon seeing Jim before him. The Captain's smile was muted and faded completely as he saw Spock. Spock could feel tension radiating from his Captain and was puzzled by the cause of it.  
“Jim?” Spock simply said. 

“Spock, I'm so sorry there's been a mistake. The universal translator mistook the time frame of your stay here. It's 5 weeks, not five days.” 

Spock wasn't sure if he was able to mask the disappointment at hearing that news but he attempted to recover from it nonetheless. “The peace here will be a welcome rest, Captain.” 

“I'm sorry. I asked if I could provide any scientific journals or anything for you but it's for reflection.”

“I understand, Jim. It is not your fault.” Spock said. Jim's guilt was palpable in the small quarters. Spock hated the idea that Jim would feel terrible for the next four weeks. 

“Maybe I need to get you some flatter boots or something, huh? Stop you stumbling all over the place.” 

“Perhaps that is needed.” Spock said, allowing the humour to seep through so Jim could know he was okay. The reality was, Spock did not stumble into the building, one of the landing party had accidentally knocked into him, causing him to stumble. However, Spock hadn't mentioned it as that would only lead Kirk on a mission to punish who he felt was responsible in some way when it was merely an accident.  
Spock got a strong sense of the Captain's emotional state and decided he needed to encourage him to be on his way. “You should get back to the crew, Jim. I will be fine. It is merely a few weeks. I will be fine.”

“Yeah, I know. It's just weird leaving someone behind.”

“You will be back here sooner than you think.” 

“Right, well, get lots of rest. I'll be back in 4 weeks, 2days.” Kirk looked to the guard who had accompanied him and asked if he was allowed in the cell. He nodded and Jim walked over to Spock and hugged him. Spock did not hug Jim back. Jim felt Spock's tension at the physical contact. “Sorry,” he said breaking the hug. Spock reached for Jim's hand that lingered on his shoulder and there was a crash of Jim's emotions that came flooding into him, mostly worries and anxieties. Spock pushed calmness and serenity towards Jim however, Jim flinched and broke the contact abruptly. “Woah,” he said quietly. 

Spock stepped away from Jim. “I'm sorry, Jim. I-” Spock felt ashamed of being so blatant with his touch and interfering in such a private way. He sat on the bed in the cell.

The guard, sensing that they had finished spoke up. “Come now,” he said to Jim. 

“Spock-” he started but he didn't know what else to say. 

Spock watched as Jim left the cell . The door closed behind him and he guard leaving Spock once again in his solitary confinement. He made his way to the door and peered through the crack, watching as Jim was guided further and further away from him before they disappeared through the door.  
The sound echoed around the otherwise empty building and Spock walked back to the bed and sat down.  
And he'd never felt so alone before.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim wasn't that surprised when Bones came to see him later that evening. He knew he'd been a bit quiet but his oldest friend knew Jim well enough to know when something was wrong. 

“So, what happened? You seem a little rattled. Spock's okay, isn't he?”

“You think I'd agree for us to leave him behind if he wasn't?” Jim sighed. “He was fine but I'd feel bad whoever was being left behind. I don't know, I just hate this.”

“Look, of all the people to get left behind, you've got a super intelligent and resourceful Vulcan there. He's more mentally disciplined than anyone on this ship. He can focus his mind better than anyone. We'd all go stir crazy, but not Spock.” 

~

In some ways, Jim's visit had made Spock's confinement worse. He didn't begrudge the Captain the need to see him and tell him of the circumstances behind Spock increased stay but he didn't think seeing the Captain and being left behind would be quite so hard to take. 

Spock's daily flask of water tumbled to the ground from the shoot in the side of wall. Although captive to a non hostile species, they did ensure those in punishment were punished. Spock was rationed a flask of water daily and food every two to three days.   
Spock had no need for all the water he was given but he lack nourishment, especially as the first two meals he was given were mostly meat based and he foolishly skipped them, thinking that he would be on the ship soon. Now the emptiness of his stomach grew and he skipped more water to try and fill himself. 

Another thing he hated about his cell was the lack of natural light.   
His time senses were completely off due to his lack of ability to see any natural light. The windowless cell was truly a prison but Spock felt ashamed for his lack of ability to focus and meditate. 

He thought about Ambassador Spock and his time on Delta Vega. After the turmoil he had already been through and guilt he had still persevered and survived on that cruel ice planet.   
And Spock was complaining to himself about no light. 

He took the blanket off the bed and laid it on the floor and sat cross legged on it, determined that he would achieve a sense of serenity this time. 

~

Jim wasn't sure if it was anxiety or something else, but as they ship sped away from the planet that was Spock's home for a month, he felt uneasy. 

His seat on the bridge filled in by one of the Lieutenants in the Science department that Spock had rated highly. They were travelling to a planet that had recently experienced a huge earthquake and they were to offer support and assistance to the people there.   
The whole way their, Jim brooded over Spock. What he would have found fascinating about the planet. How he would have been curious about the local fauna. It was on the more simple missions that the scientist in Spock truly shone. If their missions were filled with jeopardy, Spock's focus was on being the first officer and directing Jim to the most logical choices but with no lives in danger, the curiosity in Spock peaked out and to Jim, it was enduring to see. 

“Sulu, you have the comm,” Jim said as he got up and left his position. 

He needed to walk. He needed to be away from things that reminded him so much of Spock. But everything here did remind him of Spock and there was nowhere he could go on the ship where he would find any peace. 

McCoy would know he was brooding over Spock and knowing him, he'd start to mock him to try and ease his mood but it wouldn't work today. Jim knew he'd end up more pissed off about it.   
Maybe he should visit McCoy about the persistent headache he's been suffering though. It hadn't let up since he'd gone back down to the planet and visited Spock. Surely just a tension headache but with the situation as it was, the tension wasn't about to ease anytime soon and he couldn't run a ship like this. 

Mind made up, he headed to see McCoy and hoped he'd feel better about the whole thing soon enough. 

~

 

Spock woke suddenly. 

He couldn't recall if he'd suffered a bad dream, but his heart was pounding and he was hot, his breathing struggling to recover as though he'd been in a race. 

After a few moments he realised his reality.   
The cell, the darkness, the boredom. Perhaps the loneliness surprised him the most. He craved company. Wanted someone to just be with him, not even talk to him, just to be there. 

He missed the ship, full of people. He missed their intelligence, their friendship. Perhaps he only missed it so much because he knew he couldn't have it, because it evaded him. He reminded himself that it wasn't for long. The trouble was not knowing how long it had been since he had been bought here and how long he still had to endure all of this. 

He was hungry. The last meal he'd had was yet again mostly meat. He initially ate just the vegetables but his hunger and logic prevailed and he ate the meat. Whether it was the lack of meat in his regular diet or more of a mental resistance, Spock found himself bringing the food back up again. Another contributing factor as to why he probably felt so bad now. 

Spock held little hope of meditating and closed his eyes against the unending darkness of his cell. Some sleep would surely do him some good. 

~

McCoy frowned at the readings. 

He doubled checked them. Twice. 

“Okay, this is going to sound weird, but, have you ever done any weird Vulcan mind stuff with Spock?”

“No. Just Ambassador Spock did that meld thing that one time but Spock hasn't ever done anything like that to me. Why?”

“You know Spock and Uhura have their bond, right?”

“Sure?”

“Well, you've got one too. It's not the same, it's very faint but you've got some weird readings which are typical with a Vulcan bond.”

“I didn't think Spock could just create a bond without me knowing. And as far as I know, Spock's and Uhura's was a huge deal to them both.”

“Well, that's a very different bond to what this is. There's is some deep intimate bond which this certainly isn't. I don't know enough to go into detail but he's not about to ditch Uhura for you, if that's what you're thinking. Look, Vulcan's create bond with family and their partners and friends too. It's not a weird thing, but it's very recent. You didn't have it at your last physical.”

“Actually, when I visited Spock on the planet there was this weird thing when I hugged him, like a , I don't know, jolt. A shock. It's hard to explain exactly.”

“You hugged the hobgoblin? I bet he loved that!” McCoy mocked. “He probably created the bond just to stop you from touching him,” McCoy joked. 

“Shut up, Bones!”

“Seriously, you think he can't do a little hocus pocus in there. Why do you think Spock & Uhura never argue since they got their bond? He just makes her agree with him. She doesn't even know.” 

Jim couldn't help the frown that appeared across his brow. He was worried about Spock, and now, even though McCoy was joking, he was worried about the bond, not for the reasons McCoy said but the other implications. What would Starfleet say about such a thing? The Vulcans?

“Jim, it's fine. I was teasing you.” 

“I know. I just... I hate leaving anyone behind. It just doesn't feel right. None of this feels right.”

“It might not be that situation, it might be this new bond making you a little odd. Maybe talk to Uhura about how she felt after hers. Compare notes?”

“I'll catch you later, Bones.” 

“Don't be a stranger.”

~

He couldn't be sure, but he thinks they've missed out his water for the day. 

It's al so hard to keep track of and his mind isn't as clear as normal. His need his meditation.   
And he worries about what Jim will say when he comes to collect him from his cell and rather than getting a fully fit First Officer back he'll get one who can barely function and needs to meditate.   
Let alone what McCoy's medical will bring up.   
He's not being treated badly as such, more forgotten. Overlooked. Neglected. 

He smirks to himself in the darkness. He is also being melodramatic.   
The sound of something thudding on the ground stops his train of thought and he goes to recover flask of water. 

He unscrews the lid but there's a scent to it. He sniffs it but doesn't recognise the smell. Spock puts the lid back on and discards the bottle as he's drawn to a sound coming from the shoot. A gentle but persistent tapping sound. Spock stands there, looking upwards unable to see anything.   
“Hello?” Spock says, wondering if a curious child of the people here has come to pay the stranger a visit.

There's a silence that follows his words, but eventually a voice is heard. It isn't the voice of the a K'Jar child, or any of the K'Jar people. 

And the only thing the voice says is “Vulcan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Spock is maybe a little OOC here, especially near the end as he's been on his own with no meditation, little sleep and not much food for a while by this point and he's maybe a little less 'spocky' that usual. :)   
> Creative licence and all that. 
> 
> Now, who the heck is speaking to Spock, or is there anyone even there? Is Spock's mind playing tricks on him. And just what is in the flask if it isn't water, or is that yet another Spock hallucination?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with in getting out another chapter. Had a very busy week. I appreciate all the comments and support over the last week regarding my return to A03. It's great to be back. :)   
> However, am I the only one bummed over the ST4 news? In case you haven't heard, currently, Pine & Hemsworth have had a dispute over returning for Trek. Now, Hemsworth I don't give a hoot about in the sense that the idea always sounded crappy to me after they moved Kirk away from being bummed about his Dad's death. But Pine is Kirk and it's just not going to work without him. I can't see how they can do a fourth film with no Kirk and also we already lose Chekov due to the tragic death of Anton two years ago.   
> So yeah, maybe they need to move on from the trilogy and look in a new direction for Trek. 
> 
> Oh and this is random, but I went to see The Meg and near the beginning of the film there's a scene where this guy is being introduced to everyone and someone is introduced as the doctor and the guy goes 'So you're like Bones'. 
> 
> Anyway, back to the drama.

“Captain, we're got an emergency beacon coming from Enthana.” 

“Did they send a message?”

“No, they just activated the beacon, but there's no message.” 

“See if you can contact them.”

“Sulu, take her down to warp factor one. We might need to head back.” 

“Aye, Captain.” 

“They weren't the most skilled with our technology. Wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't set it off by mistake.” Kirk said. He wondered if he was trying to reassure the crew or himself. “Lets have a scan of the surrounding area. Make sure there's no trace of any other ships close by to the planet which could be attacking them.”

“No response from the planet, Captain.” Uhura reported. 

“No sign of any ship, Captain.” Briggs added, who was standing in for Spock. 

“Damn it. Okay, set a course, we're going back. Warp 6, Sulu, get us there fast.” 

~

It took two days to get back to Enthana. 

They hailed the planet as they approached but got no response. 

“Get a landing party together. We're going down.” Kirk ordered. 

Bones had been hovering around the bridge the last couple of days with little to do and Jim knew he was itching to get down on the planet with him. Kirk felt a resistance to allowing him to beam down but wasn't sure if it was worth the argument it would inevitably cause. 

“Captain?” Briggs called over. “I need you to see this, Sir.” 

Kirk quickly took the few steps over to the science station and looked at the reading on the panel before him. “That can't be right?” What Kirk was seeing on-screen indicated the planet had no living beings on the planet at all. 

Lowering his voice, Briggs continued “I've already triple checked it, Sir.” 

“You said there wasn't any trace of another ship approaching the planet?”

“No Sir. But, it wouldn't be uncommon for a planet and people like this to have underground dwellings. Maybe we just cant get a reading on them from here.”

“I hope you're right.” 

“I'm going to the transporter room. Sulu, you have the comm.” 

~

Jim didn't even question Bones coming with them in the end. His mind was still at the read out on screen 'No life forms found'. 

They beamed down on the outskirts of the village where they would walk through all the village people's houses before reaching the elders quarters. The place where Kirk had pleaded for Spock's release unsuccessfully. 

Everything was eerily quiet. There had been the gentle sound of a thriving community here before. Even the wind made no sound. Two of the security walked on ahead while Kirk went over to Bones to see if he had anything to report. He'd already told McCoy that the reading they were getting indicated no life forms on the planet. “Still saying nobodies home.” McCoy said. 

“So maybe they're hiding. Something spooked them and they have an underground area where we can't get a reading from.” 

“Maybe,” McCoy agreed. 

“Sir,” one of the security men called. Kirk and McCoy moved on to join up with the others at the entrance to the village.   
Kirk hadn't been prepared for the scene before him. It was a massacre. Bodies of the K'Jar were strewn across the floor, slaughtered. 

McCoy rushed over to one, pulling out his medical tricorder and running it over the victim. He went to the next, and then a third. “Broken necks the lot of them.” 

“These people had no known enemies,” Kirk stated. 

“Jim, what about Spock?”

Jim turned to the security team. “Check all the buildings. We need to see if we can find out what happened here. Call down for back up if you need it.”

Jim recalled his arrival to the building that housed Spock just a few weeks ago. He couldn't imagine coming back here again so soon and with such a terrible reason. As he approached the building, he tried to forget about the fact that he could be about to discover his friends body dead in the cell he'd left him locked inside a few weeks back. As they reached the outer door, Jim slowly and carefully opened it, checking to see if any life signs were showing.   
He hoped that the tricorder wasn't able to pick up this area for some reason but the reading still declared no one except the scattered security team now on the planet. 

Jim remembered the keys hanging up jut inside the first door and picked up the one he had seen the guard take to unlock Spock's cell. The ext door opened and they followed the narrow hall down to the cell at the end, the one Spock had been in. Jim turned the key in the lock and prepared himself for the worst. 

The door swung a little and gently banged against the stone wall, creeping a little way from it before stopping dead. Jim and Bones stood in the doorway and took in the scene in front of them. 

There was no body, but there was also no Spock. 

“Maybe they let him out when they realised they were in trouble,” McCoy said. 

“So he's dead out there instead of in here.” 

“Maybe Spock was the one who sent the emergency beacon.” 

“He'd have sent a message with it if he did. Unless he didn't have time.” Kirk took a deep breath. “We need to check everywhere. We need to find all of these people and make sure they're all accounted for.”

“Look, Spock's resourceful, you know that as well as I do. He'll be okay.” Bones reassured. 

“He's not here, Bones. And even if they did let him out, just means he's dead out there instead. He's gone. I just know it.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit on the short side but progress! YAY!

“Admiral, I can fully appreciate Starfleet's position here. However, I think that Lt. Uhura's feelings are not being taken into account.”

“Captain, she is in a personal relationship with a superior officer. In nearly every other situation, they would have been separated. Just because the Vulcan race was damn near decimated doesn't mean we should bend the rules for them.”

“That's not the point, Sir. The point is that she has a bond with him which would have been brutally severed if he had been killed on that planet.” 

“Kirk, you've surveyed the area. Your own people! Are you saying you are an inept Captain, leading an inept team?”

“Sir, if there's no body, then Spock is still on that planet.”

“Do you really think I want to have to tell Sarek that his son is dead? Of course, I don't, Kirk. But a missing person with no body is as good as dead. You and the Enterprise are to move on. I'll find a replacement for your First Officer and get back to you.”

The screen went blank as the Admiral ended the connection. 

Jim didn't want to have to go and tell Uhura that they were moving on without knowing where Spock was or what had happened to him. 

He needed to talk to the crew. 

~

“I don't know what to do Bones. I know Spock's out there somewhere but there's no leads to follow. I've had three different Admirals tell me to move on. I'm not sure how much longer I can ignore them and keep my position. And to top it all off, I got this today.” Kirk passed over the PADD to McCoy and took the glass of whiskey poured for him and downed it. 

“Uhura's leaving?”

“Sarek's pretty pissed and is going to take it into his own hands. She wants to help him.” 

“I don't want to add to your troubles, but your non-human crew are also a little on edge.”

“What do you mean?”

“One of the non-human crew goes missing, is presumed dead with no body to show. Starfleet is keen to move on and forget him. The feeling is with some of them that if it were you- or a human- Starfleet would care more. Doesn't help that Spock's replacement is a human as well.”

“Starfleet is all about acceptance!”

“Sure, but people are worried Jim, and they start looking for someone to blame. Besides there have always been those few Admirals about that don't seem to have the same values as everyone else. I mean, look at Admiral Marcus.”

“Well we're moving on, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up on Spock.” 

“Jim, we move away from that planet you've already given up on him. There's no way he got off that planet.”

“Maybe that's the problem. We're looking in the wrong place.” Jim said, thoughtfully. 

“I don't see where else we can possibly look, Jim.”

“Do me a favour and get the reports from the initial incident that lead to Spock being kept on the planet will you?”

“Where are you going with this?”

“Maybe nowhere. I just want to check a few things. Meet me in the ready room in 15 minutes.”


	5. Chapter 5

Jim had the reports from the initial incident. 

There had been eight members of the crew, including Spock, when he had touched the building. Jim ran through Spock's words on the incident. “...must have lost my footing” were the words Spock used. Spock was hardly the clumsy type and he knew those buildings were sacred to their people. He would have been careful.   
It seemed almost implausible to imagine Spock just carelessly falling into the building. 

Jim started to look through the other accounts from the crew and only one of the crew members actually saw Spock's stumble. They noted a slight dip in the ground that must have accounted for Mister Spock's loss of balance. 

“Well?”

“Have you got the recording you made of the area?”

McCoy handed over the tricorder and Jim moved the footage to the area where the incident happened. He zoomed in on the area where Spock was said to have stumbled but the ground was flat. “The only person who saw Spock actually stumble said the ground was uneven. I can't see anything.”

“Maybe they fixed the ground,” Bones suggested.

“This was, what, half an hour after the incident?” 

McCoy shrugged. “I don't know what you're getting at Jim.”

“Maybe they wanted Spock there.” 

“Maybe they wanted to be hacked to pieces as well. Look, Jim whatever you're thinking right now just doesn't make sense. Spock is not anywhere on that planet.”

“So where is he then?” 

“I don't know!” McCoy took a breath He knew Jim was stressed about the situation with Spock. “Look, the K'jar didn't make the universal translator misinterpret the time Spock's punishment lasted.”

Jim considered that for a while. “When is the last time you remember that happening?”

“I don't think it ever has when I've used it.” Jim headed over to the communication panel “Where are you going with all this, Jim?” McCoy asked. 

Kirk held up his hand to keep McCoy quiet for a moment as he contacts Uhura on the bridge. “When was the last time that someone on this ship made adjustments to the universal translator?”

“I can tell you without even looking that I did. I was adjusting the distinction between times for the K'Jar.” 

“Okay, can you find out who used it before that and when?”

“I can check right now. It won't take a minute.”

“Okay, this is weird. The last account to access it before me was encrypted but it was someone in the science labs.”

“Can you find out what was edited?”

“It'll take more time but I should be able to. I'll get back to you.” 

“What if.... what if someone wanted Spock on that planet.”

“Someone on this ship?”

“Right. Someone changes the definition of time. We think we're dropping Spock off for a couple of days but it's a longer sentence and we've already agreed to it.”

“Doesn't account for the fact that Spock is still missing. He was on that planet, Jim and now he's not.”

“What if.... what if Spock wasn't even on that planet when we got the distress signal. By the time we responded he was already gone.”

“There would still have been a trace of a ship though, right?”

Jim once again went to the communication panel and called Chekov to come and meet them. When he arrived a few minutes later, Jim set him with the task of searching for any hints that a ship had left the planet prior to their arrival. “I understand, Captain, but Ensign Briggs was the one who checked at the time and his record is sublime.” 

“Briggs?”

“Yes, Captain.” 

“Just check for me, okay?”

“Aye.” Chekov left and once the door was shut, Jim turned to Bones. “You know what's interesting? Briggs was the only person who witnessed Spock touch the building on the planet. The one who said he fell.” 

“Spock did touch the building, Jim.” 

“Okay, tell me your honest opinion. If someone had knocked into Spock, accidentally, and he'd touched the building by mistake, would Spock tell us the truth or would he allow us to think it was his own fault?”

“Jim, I think you're looking for someone to blame.”

“Well, let's wait and see what evidence comes to light, shall we?”

~

Jim looked at the evidence before him. 

Briggs had declared no trace of a ship leaving the planet but Chekov had detected a very faint trace that could tie in with a ship being in the area at about the correct time.   
While Uhura couldn't name who had been interfering with the universal translator, she could confirm that it had been updated twice with the K'Jar's language The first time when they first arrived at the planet and then again after they had left Spock for his initial sentencing. 

“Briggs is in on this, Bones.”

“Okay, but you can't prove he did change the translator and you can't prove he had anything to do with Spock touching that damn building. After that, all you've got is him messing up. You can't use that against him.”

“You're right. I'm just going to be keeping an eye on him.” 

“So what now?”

I got Chekov to trace the trail to see if we could get a lead but it merged with several others and there's no way we could begin to know which one might have been the correct vessel. So, we go back to exploring deep space and keep our eyes and ears open.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, I promise we'll see where exactly Spock is. I'm *so* excited for this fic.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, things are a little more serious now than they were before.

Spock awoke in a strange room. 

The last memory he had was being a captive in the cell and the voice speaking down to him, unseen. 

He looked at his current surroundings. The room was pleasant, large in size and decorated in a pleasing standard, not too different from the way a guest suite on most Starfleet vessels were decorated.   
Maybe that's what this was. Perhaps he had been rescued and relocated. He did notice his uniform had been removed and he was dressed in simple white trousers and a white t-shirt, his feet left bare. 

He checked his own condition and besides from a slight lack of nourishment, he had no injuries to speak of and had clearly been left alone where ever he had been. Getting up, Spock vacated the bed and started to look around the room. Over the bed was a single light on the wall. There were no obvious controls for the lights. There was one wall that had some furniture and Spock moved across to it, grabbing the handle. He felt a sharp shock shoot through his body as a computerised voice told him he was 'unauthorised'. He left the area and continued to look around the room. There was a small washroom but it would meet his needs and there was a door which did nothing as he attempted the controls to open it. 

“Computer?” Spock tried but was met with the same 'unauthorised' response. 

He would have to way until he was visited by the ships Captain, he assumed. He decided to have a light meditation while he waited. 

~

Spock was woken by the sounds of the room being entered. 

A human male looked over at him while his female companion stood with a PADD beside him. “He is in good condition.”

“Yes, they kept their word.” she agreed. 

“Show him the PADD,” the man said and the woman held the PADD out to Spock. He took it and looked at the screen. “Your dietary requirements are needed. You will be well looked after you just have to comply with us.”

“With what?” Spock asked

“That you will find out soon enough. Fill in the information.” 

Spock briefly looked and found two meals that would be vegetarian and handed the PADD back.

“We don't review this frequently. If you only pick two meals, you will only ever receive those two meals.” 

“It serves the purpose,” Spock replied. 

“You have a lot of interest already. I think we'll get you working today. Let's go.” 

Spock watched as the pair left him alone. He was able to see that beyond his door was nothing but another safety door and a guard stood there watching his door at all times. Wherever he had been taken, security was impressive. It made escape tricky, but not impossible. He would just need to study his surroundings well rather all the resources he could to make escape most likely. He wondered if he faked an illness he would be taken from this room for treatment? It may give him a better chance to escape. 

His door was opened again and he was given a tray of food from one he selected. Despite himself, he took the tray eagerly and sat at the small table to eat his meal. 

~

Klum and Petri exited Spock's room and once the door closed, Petri handed her PADD to the guard. “Upload the dietary requirements for Subject 10,” she ordered him and the guard took the PADD and completed his orders. 

They travelled through the next door which leads to a narrow walkway suspended over a large chasm. The centre of 10 different walkways met in the middle with a large lift at the centre. The pair entered the lift and headed down. 

“Four hundred requests already,” Petri stated as she looked at the lift computer regarding their latest acquisition. 

Klum smiled. “I noticed Subject 2 and 6 aren't drawing many requests any more. We should look for replacements.”

Petri made a note of it before moving back to the request list. “Do you wish to start him off easily?”

“He's a Vulcan. He can take it.” He looked at the first few requests on the list and pointed to one. “That one.” 

“Sir?”

“I'm not letting him get broken in softly.”

“You realise this is most likely to lead to-”

“It doesn't matter what it leads too. Just book it in. Oh, and don't schedule the cleanup. I'll do it myself.” 

Petri nodded and made the notes Klum had requested. “All done,” she smiled. “I'm going to get some food, I'm starving. Then I'll start speaking to some contacts about those replacements.” 

~

Spock was in the room with little to do but wait when a screen lit up on the wall. 

It flashed the message 'Welcome Brun' on the screen and shortly after the door opened and Cardassian male entered. He peered at Spock briefly and smiled before moving to the screen. 

Spock watched with interest as Brun touched the screen and a list appeared. 

“What shall we start with, Vulcan?” he asked, rhetorically. 

Spock could see the list on screen listing several forms of torture. 'Whips, Chains, Blunt objects, Sharp Objects, Lasers, Live Creatures...' Spock turned away after that. 

“I hear this is your first day. I shall start you gently.” He selected chains. Another screen opened and he was able to pick a selection of chains available to him. Some thicker than others, some with cuffs at the end. 

The screen went back to the welcome message as one of the cabinets in the room opened a little. Brun went over to it and picked up the chains he'd selected, throwing one over his shoulder and keeping the other two in his hands. He moved across to the blank wall and threw the end of two of the chains into it. Spock watched in fascination as the chain disappeared into the wall and the other end suspended from it, as though attached. 

“Up,” Spock was commanded. He did so automatically, still intrigued by the wall. Brun then attached the cuffs to Spock's wrists before he went back to the screen. The list was present again but Brun pressed the small picture of the room in the bottom corner. When he did, the room appeared on the screen with the wall highlighted as active.   
Brun pressed on the wall and the chains that he had used were highlighted. “Now watch this,” he teased Spock. He moved the chains upwards towards the ceiling, dragging Spock up to the wall with it. Not content with that, he then dragged the chains across the room into the centre and left Spock to dangle from the ceiling. 

“Now I'm ready to begin,” he said as he retrieved the last chain from his shoulder and began to swing it. 

~

Spock swayed slightly from the ceiling. 

Brun had left some time ago. Spock wasn't sure if he was set to return.  
He kept drifting in and out of consciousness and as he did so, he would jerk himself back awake and the movements would jar his shoulders painfully. 

He'd been suspended from the ceiling during the whole ordeal. Chains, whips and other assorted weapons strewn across the floor, a pool of green blood beneath where he hung. 

Brun's last act before he left was to request the heaviest chains possible and drape them over Spock's shoulders and wrap the others around his legs adding to the weight pulling against his shoulders and wrists. He was mostly numb to the pain now unless he moved at all which he desperately tried not to do. 

Eventually, the doors opened again. 

Two silent men, Spock had not seen before who removed the weapons from the floor and the chains from Spock's body. They lowered him to the ground and removed the cuffs before leaving themselves. 

Klum re-entered the room once the two men were done. Spock had been left on the floor in a bloody heap. He walked over to him. “That was your first day, Spock. How did it feel?”

Spock didn't think he had the strength to say much but he managed to mutter out “Average.” 

Klum smiled down at the Vulcan. “You've been very brave. That'll get you nowhere here.” Spock started to shiver slightly. “Cold, huh? I turned the temperature to descend just before I came in. Knew you'd like that. It'll just keep plummeting down but you won't have to worry about that.” He picked up the Vulcan's weak wrist and slashed the knife against it deeply. 

Spock took a sharp intake of breath at the action. Klum held Spock's arm still as blood pumped from his body. “Why?” he asked. 

“It's what they want. For you to be dead.”

Spock's brow creased but he couldn't speak any further. He couldn't do anything to stop this from happening. It was all so pointless. Why go to such effort to move him here just to kill him?  
Any further thoughts were stopped as Spock felt his body start to spasm uncontrollably.   
Klum watched the body jerk about besides him for several minutes before it stopped completely. 

Standing up, Klum looked towards the screen. “You voted for this tonight and you got it,” he said pointing to the screen. “Spock of Vulcan is dead.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning that this chapter gets a little more graphic in depictions of violence but nothing descriptive.   
> No non/con for those who want to avoid it.

Spock awoke in a strange room. 

The last memory he had was being a captive in the cell and the voice speaking down to him, unseen. 

He took note of his surroundings, exploring the room. He learnt that the doors couldn't be opened to the furniture and he received a shock if he touched them. It didn't take long for someone to come by 

“Mister Spock, or Subject 10 as your known outside of this room. How was your first day?”

“I have only just awoken,” Spock said. 

“Not at all. You have been here a while. And yesterday, you completed your first active day. You died. Was quite a spectacle. Bled out just down there.” The man said, pointing to the floor. 

“I feel remarkably well for being dead,” Spock replied. 

The man smiled back at him. “I am Klum. Thomas Klum. I am your host here. And, I'm sorry to say but you did die yesterday.” Klum pulled out a small controller and pressed a button The screen turned on and replayed the images as Spock sat on the floor, bleeding, convulsing before he stopped still. Dead. A roar of a crowd erupted and a camera angle showed a roomful of people watching the scene. 

Reluctantly, Spock looked down at his wrist, to see if it were true. Had he died and they brought him back to life? His skin was blemish free and he was in no pain from any wounds.   
“I do not understand,” Spock confessed. 

“Of course you don't. This technology is far superior to anything your tiny Vulcan brain would understand.”

“It is not your technology. You are only human,” Spock replied.

“True. But I do get the benefits of it. Such as this room and you being in it.” 

“So how did you revive me?”

“The truth? You were never revived. You died. And don't worry, this isn't hell. In this room, time is bendable in ways you can't imagine. All I have to do is go back outside and I can make this day start over. You can die and die and die and I can take you back to the start every time. Everywhere else, time moves on but for you, any time I want too, I can just take you right back to the start. Healthy, unblemished and ready for anyone to visit you. No medical bills, no mess, no fuss- you're just back alive again. Incredible huh?” 

“I can not believe that those with technology so advanced would use it for such unspeakable purposes.” 

“Oh, you Vulcans, you never are much fun. But you know, what they're working on right now is a way to make you remember everything even when we reset you. So.... be nice, otherwise, you can be the guinea pig.” 

“I can not believe this. It is some form of trickery.” Spock declared. 

“You think? Well, right now, this is recording,” he pointed to the screen in the room. “And when you die, eventually, because sooner or later someone's going to get carried away, but when that happens, I'm going to play this all for you and you'll see.” Klum turned from Spock and back to the screen. “Okay, this will be your main event ladies and gentlemen but first, we're going to pay a visit to Subject 8 and see what's in store for them today. Remember, if you want to book your own special one on one event strictly for your own enjoyment with NO RULES then get in touch. Nothing and I mean nothing, is too much trouble here.” 

Klum pressed a button and the screen went dead and he turned back to Spock. “Your food will be here in a few minutes. Eat up and rest. You have got one hell of a session today.”

~

“You feeling okay?” Bones asked as he sat opposite Uhura. 

She sat with a bowl of soup which she was stirring rather than eating. “I had the worse night last night.”

“Oh, what was wrong?”

“I felt really weird. A bit weak and faint.”

“Well, why didn't you come down to Sick Bay?”

“It was like 2am. And it didn't last that long, it kinda built up and then just went. I felt fine.”

“And this morning you feel the same?”

“No, just... like I'm nervous about something. Maybe it's because of Spock and going off with Sarek.”

“You're still going?”

“I have to help look for him.” 

“You know we're still going to be looking here.”

“I know, but there's only so much Jim can do. I have to do more.”

~

Petri watched the monitors carefully, making sure all was going well in the pods. 

Klum came and joined her, surveying the screens himself. 

“What's up with Subject 10?”

“What do you mean?”

“I've seen the schedule for the next few days. What are you pushing him for?”

“Oh, Vulcan's are so smug. With their supposed superior intellect. I want him to break.”

“Well, you might just do it with what these guys have planned. Oh hey, did you hear that they've got a prototype for you?”

“Really? That's interesting.” 

“Don't test it on the Vulcan.”

“Why not?”

“Their heads are so weird. You might break him in a bad way. Do it on one of the Subjects we're getting rid of. Doesn't matter that way.” 

“I suppose you're right.” 

~

Spock listened as the door closed as his visitor left. Krohn, the screen had named him. He had used his fists and feet to inflict damage not once taken advantage of any weapons that were on offer.   
Either way, Spock's body still throbbed from the pounding though he was certain nothing was broken. 

The next guest was Kian. All he requested was a single dagger and a salt slug. His enjoyment was to make simple slits across Spock's flesh and enjoy watching the salt slug glide over the wounds. The slug would feast on the blood and the salty trail it left behind stung the wounds. None of the wounds was as disturbing to Spock as the slit he made across Spock's bottom lip. He could see the creature and feel its salty slime run into his mouth. 

Spock was allowed a slight reprise after that. He went to clean himself up but found the water did not run. He was given a tray of food but no water. 

He didn't look at the next name. It really didn't matter.   
This one liked to heat the metal chains and then drape the burning metal across Spock's naked skin. The last act before he left was to pour boiling water into Spock's mouth. 

When Klum came in afterwards, Spock couldn't speak, only make whimpering noises. The pain was too much.   
“Now, do you believe that I can make all this go away and send you back in time? Start your day again? Wouldn't you like that now?”

Reluctantly, Spock nodded. Anything but this pain. 

“Tell me again in the morning and I'll consider it.” 

~

“Scotty, is the Enterprise having any issues with environmental controls?”

“No, Captain. Why'd you ask?”

“I was so hot last night, I could barely sleep.”

“Aye, you're not the only one to mention that, though I think it's a more localised issue.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, only you and Miss Uhura have mentioned it. Maybe you both..... have a virus?”

“I don't have a virus. My room was too hot. Can you please check it out, Scotty.”

“Aye, Captain.”

~

“Well?” Klum asked. 

He was certain Spock was in the same position as he'd left him last night. 

“Plea-” was all Spock could manage through his damaged throat and mouth. 

“Not good enough,” he said. 

~

Uhura was sitting down at one of the tables for lunch when she heard the open and frank discussion close to when she sat. 

“I mean, I guess I can understand it. They work together all the time and Kirk does have that reputation with women.”

“But Uhura?”

“I swear! Mr Scott was saying as much to Kirk himself! Something about how hot their bedroom was that night. And we all know how it got that hot!”

Uhura didn't need to hear any more. Getting up she made her way directly to the table where the two women sat, faces blushing when faced with the lady they had been discussing. “How dare you! Knowingly spreading something as damaging as this around.”

“I swear, Carly is the only person I've told!”

“In a room full of people. I heard you. I'm sure others did too. Don't you understand anything? Spock and I are bonded. It hurts for me to be away from him for so long let alone the fact that I don't even know what's happened to him. And Kirk is one of Spock's closest friends. You think the first thing he'd do after he went missing is sleep with his partner? Doesn't your Captain deserve better than that? Don't I?”

“I... erm...”

“You can think what you like but if I hear you spreading rumours around, I'll do what I have to do to stop it.” And with that Uhura stormed out of the room. 

~

Spock received no food before his first visit. Someone named Ash. He was unsure of the gender of the alien creature but soon knew their interest in him came from knives.   
His previously burnt and broken flesh was abused more as knives were sliced across and embedded into him. 

He had tried to repress his pain in the night. It had worked to a degree but the fresh assault on him only magnified the old wounds as new ones opened up. Eventually, the creature was finished with him and left and a woman came in. She carried a small amount of water in a glass which she offered to him before moving it away, out of his reach. 

“Do you understand, Vulcan? There's no consequences for you here. You are just a plaything for those with the want and means to abuse you.” Petri told him.

Spock nodded, hoping the answer would allow him the water he craved. 

“Then tell me. Say 'there are no consequences'”

“Can't” was all Spock could manage with his burnt throat and mouth. He indicated as much to her and she peered a little closer to see. 

A look of understanding dawned on her face. “It's okay, have your water,” she said as she poured the contents onto the floor. “If you lap it up like a dog, it doesn't matter. There will be no shame because when you die and don't worry, you'll die again tonight, all of this will be forgotten.”

Spock looked at the water puddled on the ground. The effort to try and ease the suffering was greater than the reprise would be he decided so he neglected to do as she had wanted. He may die that night then so be it. He didn't need to disgrace himself in doing so. 

Petri smiled at Spock's defiance. “You know what, you earned yourself a drink. Your taps will be working.” And with that, she left. 

Spock looked over towards the small bathroom and made his way over to them, turning the tap on and seeing she was true to her word. Precious water poured from the tap and he quickly cupped some in his hands and drank it down to soothe his throat. Water had never tasted so good to him before. 

He was unaware of the next person entering the room until he turned around and saw him stood there.   
A Klingon, he noted with dismay. Petri was indeed correct.   
He would die tonight. 

~

Jim had arranged to meet with Bones for a drink that night. 

Nothing special, just a catch-up and break from all that was happening. McCoy had nothing serious going on in sickbay and besides from Spock's missing status, the ship was running smoothly. 

McCoy decided to distract Jim with some of the tales of when they went out together drinking in their cadet days. It was clearly the distraction that Jim needed and they both laughed easily.   
Their worries were forgotten, at least for a little while. At least, until Jim, in the middle of telling his own anecdote about one of their night out abruptly stopped and let out a breath. 

McCoy had been chuckling at the memory before Jim's silence stopped him. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just feel... I just don't feel so good.” 

McCoy seemed to produce a tricorder from nowhere and scanned Kirk. “Symptoms?”

“Just groggy. Sick. I just don't feel off but I can't say why.” 

Jim hadn't been drinking enough to make alcohol the cause of his sudden feeling. McCoy couldn't find anything on the scanner to indicate anything was actually wrong with Jim. On a whim, he tried looking at Jim's brainwaves and was startled by the disorder there. “I think I might know what's wrong.”

“Go on,” Jim said. 

McCoy made some adjustments and then showed Jim a previous scan. “There's are your normal brainwave patterns. Regular, normal, human-” Jim looked at him as he said the word human. “Now, this is what they look like at the minute.” McCoy showed Jim another picture of the scan he'd just taken with the brainwaves incredibly different and erratic. 

“What the hell is that?”

“The only thing I can think of is it's something to do with Spock and this bond. And I bet Uhura is feeling just as lousy.”

“Why is he doing this to us?”

“What, Spock?”

“Yeah.”

“He can't control what is shared through the bond at all times. Things he feels, you feel. If you are feeling really angry, he can sense it.”

“So right now, he feels like crap?”

“That's about the size of it.” 

“I wish we knew where he was.” 

“We'll find him. At least we know he's still alive.”

~

Spock was on the floor. Dying. 

The Klingon had inflicted his last wound allowing Spock to bleed out slowly. And Spock was willing himself to die, for it to be over, but whenever he did thoughts of his friends, of Uhura, of his father came back to him and he just held on a little longer. He didn't want to leave them. Didn't want to die alone in this cell.   
In the end, Spock made his own suffering worse, fighting against unconsciousness the whole time, hanging on. As he knew he was losing his battle he reached out in his mind to those he was bonded with. His father, Uhura... Jim. 

On his own craft on it's way to the Enterprises location, Sarek gasped from his meditation as the bond with his son tugged desperately within him before he felt it slowly breaking away, strand by strand. Sarek tried to hold onto the precious bond but it slipped through his hands and was gone. His wife and child lost to him now. 

On the Enterprise, Jim dropped the drink he was about to rise to his lips as something in his head just changed, like a sudden spell of dizziness more extreme and disorientating than anything he'd felt before. “Spock?” he voiced quietly, as though Spock would be able to hear him.   
McCoy scanned Jim once again. “The bonds gone,” he said. 

Klum stood outside Spock's room as he pressed the sequence that would reverse time in the pod where Spock currently lay dead. 

~

Spock awoke in a strange room. 

The last memory he had was being a captive in the cell and the voice speaking down to him, unseen.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't get too much Spock this chapter but hope to next update.   
> Also, apologies for the delay. My baby bird needs hand rearing and it is taking some of my time away.

“How did the trials go with the prototype? Who did you use Meerhat?” Petri asked

Klum nodded. “They went great. No side effects so I'm going to try them on the Vulcan next time.” 

“Really?” Petri went through the schedule for Spock over the next few days. “Won't get to use it for a while with this lot booked in.”

“I know. I want him to have plenty to remember when we use it.” 

Petri smiled at Klum. “You're sick. Oh and I believe we have a Klingon warrior heading our way to replace Subject 2 or 6.”

“It's got to be 6. They don't get a lot of attention either way, but she's got a regular and I'm sure we can sell her on to him.”

~

Spock was lightly meditating when a man walked into the room. “Spock of Vulcan,” he started as he made his way to the foot of the bed. “Hopefully this will be the last time I have to introduce myself to you.”

Spock's brow creased a little but he said nothing. 

“You are here strictly for the entertainment of those who come here, either as viewers or to participate.”

“And what am I supposed to do to entertain?” Spock queried. 

“You do nothing. You suffer. There is nothing that is off limits, no request that can not be fulfilled. For you, nothing matters.” 

“You are indeed a madman. What about disfigurements? Death?”

Klum just smiled. “You'll find out, sooner or later,” he taunted Spock. “Now, your first guest is ready,” he said pointing to the screen where the name Ha'ava was displayed. “Hey, once you've finished this session, I'll show you a recording that will blow your mind.” Klum started to leave the room before he paused at the doorway and looked back to Spock. “There are no consequences for you any more.” 

Spock was left with those chilling words as the doors opened as the first 'guest' arrived. 

~

Uhura was shaking as she sat in McCoy's office and awaited his arrival. 

She was confused and needed his help, unsure if she were going mad. It took her a while to gather herself enough to come out of her room, she had broken down so completely when the bond with Spock had dissolved in her mind, a ripple of deep pain preceding it and her world reeling once it was ripped away. She'd felt off for a while before that but had tried to dismiss it as just her being overly concerned over Spock's missing status. 

The door opened and McCoy entered. “This is about Spock, isn't it?” he said before she had a chance to say a word. 

“Sort of,” she confessed. 

“Sit down,” he directed planting himself in the seat the opposite side of the desk. “Something happened with the bond, right? You felt sick and ill. Not yourself. You felt the bond break before it righted itself hours later like it had never been gone at all.”

“How do you know that?” Uhura asked.

“Jim went through the same thing. It's undoubtedly a lot milder than what you went through. Spock's bond with Jim is such a new one.”

“Actually, the fact that it was created so spontaneously doesn't necessarily mean that. He's probably got a pretty unique bond with Spock.”

McCoy nodded at her. “Sarek contacted me. He went through the same thing too. He can't really explain it except to say that the bond dissolving like that would be the same as if someone died, yet it was back again, as though it never went away. He can't explain how that happened.”

“The implications of this scare me. Did he die? All I can get through is this undercurrent of unease and pain. That's what Spock is going through?”

“The only thing to do is try and stay calm. Remember that as much as he might be sending these distressing vibes to you, he picks up on what you're feeling. If you let him feel your determination to find him, your love and support that's going to help him more than anything until we can locate him, okay?”

Uhura nodded. 

~

Klum entered the room to meet the new arrival. 

“It's so good to finally meet you, Mister Krane.” 

“Please, call me Jack,” he replied and they shook hands. 

“How was the trip?” 

“Not too bad. This is my first trip to the infamous Red Planet as you know, and I was a little unsure how about it all. So far, it's been a blast.”

“Well, there's a lot here. Some people only come for certain things. As you know, the pleasure planet caters for all. So, some people just come to gamble, that's all they want and they don't look anywhere besides from that. Others like to enjoy all we have to offer. What kind of customer are you, Mr Krane?”

Jack smiled. “Honestly? Illegal gambling is one thing but I hear you have something a lot more rare in these parts. The Vulcan?” 

“A popular choice, I must say, although he does provide something of a waiting list. If you're interested, I can add you to it.” 

“What length of time are we talking about? I mean, I'm here and I want some sort of pleasure, even if it's not exactly what I had in mind.” 

“I understand. Here let's take a look at the options available and you can see what will suit you best.”

“So, the one on one experiences are varied, but to be clear, you can still do whatever you want during them, the difference is simply your allotted time.” Klum handed a PADD to Jack displaying the times and costs. “As you can see, the first band all come with the audience so if you want to enjoy your privacy, you'll want one of the top options. As I said, there's a waiting list for this guy so you're looking at 4 weeks on some limited availability.”

“Okay, so what have you got in four weeks?”

“Let me just access this and see-” Klum pressed the PADD screen a few times. “Okay, we have got a Tier 1, which is the 15-minute option with full audience viewing, I got Tier 7, no audience and an hour and a half. I can also offer one of the luxury packages for 6 weeks time. We've had a cancellation. That one gives you 12 hours, no audience and a copy of your time together if you wish to have it.”

“So, how do I know you're not recording if I pay for no audience?” 

“There are no cameras inside. The bots are airborne and go in and out as needed.”

“Okay, I have a particular... fetish-”

“You don't have to tell us, whatever you want is allowed here.”

“I get that it's just that... I like them a little roughed up, you know? How do I go about following on from that?”

“Well, if you want I can just schedule you in after one of the regulars. I have a couple here who don't like the kill option so he'll be breathing still.”

“That sounds great. Which option did you want?”

“Tier 7.”

“Are you certain? The luxury package is a rarity with availability.”

“I'll stick with this. See how I get on.” 

“Okay, let's sort out some payment details and we'll have that ready for you in a few short weeks.”

~


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock's hell continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains non-consensual sex and sexual acts as well as descriptive torture. Please do not read if this will upset you. The scene is clearly marked and at the end of the story so it can be avoided.

Jack moved into one of the empty seats, the screen ahead of him blank for now. 

 

He looked across to the closest person to him. “Do these usually take long to get started?”

 

The woman shook her head. “They run a tight ship around here.” She answered, barely making eye contact with him.

 

“This is my first time. Wanted to see what I'm going to be getting.”

 

Her attention shifted more to him with those words. “You're paying to be with the Vulcan?”

 

“Sure. It's always been a bit of an interest of mine.”

 

“Vulcans or the power over others?”

 

Jack chuckled. “Maybe a little of both.”

 

“I don't blame you,” the woman replied. “So, will I get to enjoy your show?”

 

“Afraid not. I paid to keep it a private affair.”

 

“You must have something really nasty in store for him then. Ashamed to be seen, huh?”

 

“Not at all. Just this is my treat. People can pay for their own stuff.”

 

“Interesting considering you're here right now.”

 

“As I said, I just want to see what I'll be getting. I don't intend to stay for the show.”

 

~

 

Spock was shackled to a chair. Had been for some time.

 

His hands and ankles were numb from the tight binds restricting movement. Half a dozen people had been in the room with him, each with their own brand of punishment, torture or perverse pleasure and he could do nothing but accept it. _'Why don't you fight?'_ he queried of himself once again.

He'd never been able to come back with a suitable answer to that question.

True, he never had long periods of time where he wasn't chained up in some way, but whenever he was, he waited, passive and submissive. He wondered if he had any dignity at all, allowing himself to be degraded by so many.

 

The reality was, he was a coward. As one sadist left the room, he knew another would be entering soon, his reprieve from cruelty never longer than mere minutes. And he knew his body would not withstand much more.

 

Spock heard the door open but didn't look. It mattered little who walked through the door.

 

“Woah, I know I said I wanted him roughed up but that's a little much.” The voice said. Spock made the effort to look round. A middle-aged human with a scar down the left side of his face stood there.

 

“Mister Krane, I apologise that our previous visitor may have got a little too enthusiastic with their time. If you would like, I can have the Vulcan in a completely healthy condition for your visit.”

 

“Won't that take some time, with all the healing? You can only speed it up so much, right?”

 

“It's not about speeding up healing, Sir. it's about undoing it completely. If you can return to the waiting room and it'll be a short while and we can get you back in here.”

 

“Sure,” he nodded his approval, taking one last look at the pathetic state the Vulcan was in.

 

Spock watched as the door was closed and he was left alone. The room darkened before the most unusual sensation came over him as mind and body were ripped apart for mere seconds before forced together again. Spock's mind reeled from the unusual sensation and it took him longer than it should to realise that his body was healed. No longer pain from broken bones and split skin.

His mind, however, was still reeling. The cruelty and savagery that had been inflicted upon him were fresh and present still and being temporarily displaced from the body, even if it were for less than a second, was jarring for even a half Vulcan like himself. He felt off centre. Like the very centre of his being had been removed and replaced, but not where it should be. It was so very wrong. 

Was it not enough for them to destroy his body continuously, in some hellish loop? Now his mind would be tormented as well.

 

The light flickered brighter than before. He was still shackled to the chair when the man was returned to the room.

 

“Better Sir?”

 

“I told you to call me Jack. And yes, this is much better. I take it the healing doesn't account for my time with him, right?”

 

“Of course not. Enjoy yourself.”

 

“I intend too.”

 

And so it started again.

 

~

 

Jack stared at the Vulcan for longer than was necessary.

 

He went over to the wall panel and selected a thin sharp blade, returning to the Vulcan's side and making his first cut.

 

~

 

**~ Warning ~ Graphic content ahead ~**

 

**~Rape ~ Torture ~**

 

**~Please take care~**

 

**~ This is the final piece of this chapter so skip if you do not want to read ~**

 

 

Spock had lost count of the numbers that had been in.

 

In fact, that was untrue. He had been trying not to recall them. Day after day on endless abuse, the levels of which varied entirely based on those that entered. He found it somewhat easier if he never really looked at them. Those first few who he _had_ looked at and watched as they tortured him stuck with him, and he felt a deep rage at those faces who had revelled in his suffering. It would be easier for him to not recall those faces.

 

Spock was sprawled across the bed, bleeding and sore from the last session. The latest creature that wanted him had entered mere minutes ago. He'd been selecting various instruments but Spock blocked that out. It would do no good to await certain instruments and the pain they could inflict.

Once done, he came to Spock and flipped him face down on the bed before pulling the thin underwear off that covered him, retaining that last piece of dignity. He was shackled to the bed by his wrists. 

There was no warning, not that Spock would have expected it before rough hands grabbed onto his buttocks and parted him and the thick head of the creature behind him started to invade him. With no prep, no stretching or lubrication Spock felt himself being torn apart as he was roughly entered. The thick cock was pushed in all the way until Spock felt the testicles of the creature brushing against his skin and knew he was fully inserted inside of him. The creature didn't move at first, just remained fully encased in Spock's warmth.

Spock felt a blade dragged across the skin of his back, and then twice more before the creature then started to move back and forth inside.

The pain of the cuts barely registered as Spock's ripped insides were only made worse by the friction from the thick cock and his narrow channel forced to contain it, but as time went on, the cuts became deeper as the same sections were cut over and over again, chunks of flesh hacked into. Spock's back was a slick mess of green blood and torn flesh, nowhere a patch that wasn't destroyed.

When the creature came inside him, the semen stung the damaged tissue inside, burning and unbearable.

 

The creature withdrew and Spock felt the trickle of blood and semen leaking from him. But he had not finished with Spock yet.

A thin metal instrument was next inserted into him. Spock felt some tiny measure of relief from the cooling metal but it lasted mere moments as with the right commands on a small controller, the metal expanded in width to fill Spock's abused channel. It pushed against the muscles inside and took every inch it could as it stretched Spock open. Grabbing Spock's closest limb, the shackle was removed and the creature flipped Spock onto his back, sending waves of agony through him. He shuddered with the agony of the abuse unsure how much more he could endure. Heavy shackles were placed on his wrist, securing him back in place.

 

And this was the nightmare of his situation. They had somehow managed to do this to him- allow anyone to do anything- no restrictions- and Spock could not die. He could not escape the agony of it and be welcomed into death. And even when this was over and his body new and untarnished, the abuse, the horrific things we were living through, would be there in his mind, unable to forget.

It was a living hell.

 

The creature crawled up Spock's body before settling on his chest, it's blunt thick cock poised by his mouth. Spock refused to open his mouth and closed his eyes in his own silent protest.

Undeterred, the creature reached for the controller and Spock felt the width increase yet again in the metal device inserted inside his rectum. The agony it caused made Spock cry out, but he clamped his mouth closed.

“You are tougher than you look, Vulcan,” the creature said as he pressed another button. Spock didn't notice the heat at first but the cylinder quickly grew hot, burning his delicate flesh. Spock wore the agony clearly but still fought against this one final humiliating act, his mouth staying firmly shut.

 

Once again, buttons were pressed. The creature climbed off of Spock and went over to the end of the bed, towards Spock's abused most private area. From the end of the device came an inner handle which allowed the creature to remove the device.

 

“Your choice Vulcan. I can remove this two ways. Like this-” and he started to pull the device out from Spock. The friction hurt but the blood and semen offered a small amount of lubrication. “Or like this,” he said and pressed another series of buttons.   
Inside, the devices outer shell changed and smooth metal bumps appeared all over the outside of it. He pushed the device back inside, and while bumps were felt, it was no more painful than it had been. But then, as he began to pull it back out, Spock became aware that each of the bumps had a sharp end that would shred his insides as it was removed.   
The idea of that being forced out of him churned his stomach and he thought on what was the lesser of two evils- open himself up to more abuse willingly or allow himself to have the slightest reprieve from it. Either way, he knew that the act of fellatio was intending to be carried out and either way it would be against his will. This would just save him more abuse.

 

“So Vulcan, which is it to be?”

 

Spock couldn't bear to say that he was willing to participate in such a vile act. He nodded his head and allowed his mouth to open, even if it was minutely, to show his willingness.

 

The creature crawled back up to Spock. He pushed fingers into Spock's mouth and then forced his jaw open before using a new metal device that inserted into Spock's mouth and prevented him from closing his mouth again. Pushing Spock's head back so it was tilted towards the ceiling the creature stood over him, looking down at what he had done.

Spock looked at him, at this creature for the first time and noticed that the monster like vision he had created was wholly inaccurate.   
A human. A simple human being inflicting all this pain.

Spock was part human, was that where his own cruelty came from? Could all humans do such things, given the opportunity?

 

“It was naïve of you to believe I wouldn't choose to hurt you, Vulcan.” the man said as he reached for the handle that penetrated Spock's anus and pulled the device out.

 

~

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock's limits are pushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little mention of an eye injury in this. I know eyes can be something that people get a bit icky over but there's nothing descriptive or gruesome about it, I promise. 
> 
> The end of the chapter could be a little triggery for some people as it includes Spock starting to lose his sanity with the relentless torture he is suffering through and leads to some dark thoughts and actions from Spock. 
> 
> Nothing descriptive violence-wise.

Spock had been missing for 5 weeks.

Sarek had arrived on the Enterprise to pick Uhura up for their continued search for Spock with the Enterprise continuing with it's missions. At the time, Spock's absence had been just over a week. Sarek had melded with Kirk and shut out the bond between he and Spock, seeing as Spock seemed to be in near constant distress. He did the same for Uhura too and Sarek had taken some measures to block against Spock's own anguish himself. It was all consuming and constant.

Jim could barely concentrate on missions, worried as he was about Spock and with no obvious captures and no one making demands from Starfleet or the Vulcans, the likelihood of recovering Spock lowered daily.   
The new normal was Spock's absence from the Science station, Uhura's position covered. Two fundamental parts of the crew- gone.

Kirk sat at the desk in his room, staring at the chess game he and Spock had started and left to continue at their convenience. Something unlikely to happen now, Kirk had thought, but the idea of putting it away was too hard to even consider.

A message beeped on Kirk's computer. It was a written message from an encrypted source.

_'Captain Kirk,_

_I believe I may have come upon the whereabouts of Commander Spock. I can not be sure and am in no position to formally identify him nor do I wish to put him in a position where his captors could move him before rescue._

_However, I am willing to risk his removal from his imprisonment- for the right price._

_I am looking for a monetary reward._   
_I will not divulge my sources and no no one will aide in the rescue. I go alone._

_I believe very strongly that this man I have seen, is Commander Spock and while I can't guarantee it, I would not have contacted you if I didn't think it highly likely._

_I can tell you that he is not in danger of death, however, his life here is hell._

_I await your reply. Encrypt._

_A.'_

~

  
Kirk had spent a serious amount of time reading through the message before he called Bones into his quarters.

Bones read it and was silent for some time, as Kirk had been before he finally spoke. “So what are you thinking?”

“I think I have to tell Sarek and leave Starfleet in the dark. They'll never go for it.”

“I agree. The less they know the better. And if it goes bad, there's always them to fall back on too. We need to know how quickly this guy can move. If things are as bad as he says for Spock we need him out of there already.”

“I guess the good news is they're not trying to kill him. That's something, right?”

~

Spock felt the jarring effect as his mind and body jolted together once again. It was perhaps the fourth time he recalled it happening, but it may have happened more frequently, he simply couldn't tell at this stage.   
And it left him feeling dizzy and nauseous, his mind and body more out of sync with each and his mind in general a mess of trauma and unwelcome and unwanted thoughts from those who touched him in whatever way during their 'visits'.

_'You must like it though, why else would you allow it?'_

“I do not like it. I wish for it to stop.”

_'Asking, in circumstances such as these, rarely gets the desired results. You are tired. Fatigued and cannot trust yourself. You must allow your inner self to guide you through this torment.'_

“I will. Tell me what to do.”

_'I shall when the time is right. You will have to carry out my instructions though.'_

“I will. And I shall be free?”

_'You shall be free in ways you can not even imagine right now. Rest. Do not allow yourself to be distracted by the physical wounds inflicted upon you.'_

~

Petri opened the door to Spock's room, where Klum was stood a little dumbfounded as the Vulcan screamed, a hand covering the bloody mess that remained of his right eye socket.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked Klum.

“Nothing! The last guy cut his time short because he won't shut up.”

“So heal him and it'll be fine.”

“Maybe we should cancel the other appointments today.”

“Are you crazy? You know how long they'd have to wait to get another appointment? Just leave and send him back. It'll be fine. Come on.”

~

Spock lay on the floor gasping for breath, the pain now a distant, dull scream only in his mind.

His twitching hands kept prodding his eye, even though he could see through it, he didn't quite believe reality any more.

He saw the boots of the latest visitor and felt the tug on his hair as he was pulled upwards onto his feet and then shoved back onto the bed. The Klingon looked down on him with disgust before turning and starting to collect the tools.

~

Jim contacted Sarek and asked that they meet somewhere ASAP not long after he received the message regarding Spock's potential whereabouts. It wasn't something he just wanted to discuss casually over subspace messages.

They met at a mutual location to both their ships locations and Kirk and McCoy beamed over to the Vulcan vessel and insisted that Sulu took control of the Enterprise and continued the current mission. It was only a supply run so nothing urgent in the scheme of things, but Kirk didn't want to give anyone a reason to start watching them.

Kirk and McCoy stepped off the small transporter platform as Sarek and Uhura both waited there for them. Nyota wore an anxious look but kept herself in check.

“You have news about my son, Captain?” Sarek said, cutting to the chase.

“To a degree. I was contacted anonymously. They believe they came across Spock and are willing to attempt a rescue. They won't tell us where or let us assist. They said it had to be a solo mission. And they want payment.”

“It all sounds a bit sketchy,” Uhura said. “It might be Spock?”

“They had no way to find out for certain. It seemed like they had no sense of privacy if they asked him anything and they didn't want to make matters worse or cause them to relocate Spock.”

“If it is Spock, they implied he was in trouble,” McCoy added.

“Not at all surprising,” Sarek remarked. “Captain, the price is irrelevant. It may not be Spock, but then it is at least a Vulcan. I would not allow any Vulcan to stay in poor conditions that are implied. Do what you must to initiate contact.”

~

 

**Warning**

 

Spock's head lolled to one side after a vicious kick from the Klingon.

“Up!” he bellowed at the stricken man at his feet.

Spock felt little inclination to get up. What was the downside of him not getting up? Another beating? He smirked to himself, eyes closed.

“I said up, Vulcan scum!” Another kick to the head.

“I see no reason to do as you say. Are you going to torture me worse if I do not listen and obey?”

“Ignorant!” the Klingon screamed in outrage. More blows landed on Spock. These were met with laughter until the Klingon eventually reached down and pulled the Vulcan up himself. He held him steady as he made eye contact. “I will make you pay for that, Vulcan.”

Spock slowly opened his eyes and met the gaze of the Klingon before him. And something clouded in him. 'Now is the time' his inner voice told him.

“I shall make you pay,” Spock said and swift hands shot to the meld points of the Klingon. Spock's mind- damaged and dangerous- forced it's way into the Klingons powerless mind and ripped at it with reckless abandon. Struggling in body, the Klingon managed to clumsily break free and fell to the ground, clutching his head.

Spock remained upright and looked down at the man before him, withering and pathetic.   
At no point did he consciously reach for the weapon, but suddenly it was in his hands.   
A dagger.

He stood the looked at the Klingon. Felt the pounding from the beating he'd received, heard the inward screams of the Klingon as Spock had ripped at his mind but those screams were nothing like the constant torment of Spock's own mind. It was so damaged, so desperate and he couldn't even begin to fix it. No one could.

He was broken. Utterly and completely.   
And so nothing really mattered.

And with one powerful strike, he slit the throat of the Klingon at his feet, before repeating the action on himself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the huge wait. If you follow my tumblr you'll know I'd made some progress but then my laptop died and I had to have it wiped so I had to re-write what I'd already done. Hopefully, you'll enjoy this. 
> 
> No warnings for this part. :)

Klum came into the room and closed the door behind him.   
Petri was sat at the desk. 

“We need to do something. Damage control and I mean major damage control. That isn't what people pay for!”

“How was the Klingon?”

“Well, we made some arrangements for a complimentary visit or two.”

“Look at you!” Petri said, laughing at the state Klum was in. “Word of this will get out and you know what it does? It opens opportunities for us!”

“Opportunity to what? Die?!” 

“A fight to the death against a warrior race. Tell me that we won't have people who want that!”

Klum sat in the empty chair on the other side of the desk. He was still shaking. It had been him that had gone in and discovered the grisly scene. “I need a drink,” he said and Petri grabbed a bottle, poured them both out a drink. 

“What's gotten into you?” she asked, concern clear. “We've been doing this long enough. What is it? Have you suddenly developed a conscience?”

Klum downed the drink and Petri poured him another. “No. I think it's just we've never had anyone like him here before, no one people ever miss. We do this words going to get around.”

“Only around to people who want to take a chunk out of Starfleet already. Trust me. This is bulletproof.”

“Fine, I'm sold. So how are we going to do this?”

~

Jack looked at his personal PADD as it beeped with a message. 

~

The Romulan stepped from the room, green blood smeared on his hands. 

“Everything okay?” Petri asked. The Romulan was a regular and usually was a lot longer. 

“There is no enjoyment when the Vulcan is shackled up.” 

“I apologise. We are planning something that will be more.... sporting. However, at the moment he is too unpredictable to allow to free roam.”

The Romulan nodded his understanding. “And the plans?”

“Let's just say that the Vulcan will be encouraged to be more physical.”

“I think I understand what you mean. I look forward to it.”

~

“We need to make a decision,” Jack said, coming to sit beside Jess, holding the PADD in hand, and showing her the message he'd received. 

“What is this?” she asked as she started to skim through it. 

“When I was at the Red Planet last and made another appointment so that we had enough time to hear from Kirk and plan the removal of Spock on his say so. Well, they've offered to move it forward because they're stopping using Spock in the same way and instead are offering 'Warrior fights to the death'. In an arena. I can't bust him out in an arena full of spectators.”

“You can't risk it now, we're not ready. We don't even know if we get paid for this.” 

“If I don't go now, we'll not get paid anyway. I can't get him out in that situation.” 

“It's too dangerous, Jack. We should abort the whole thing.”

“See, this makes it perfect. They're going to be pushed with creating this new venue. It's now or never.” 

~

Spock had no real sense of how long he'd been a prisoner for. 

With the initial use of the time travel device to repeatedly take him back to his first day over and over again before they had perfected the technology to keep his memories untouched, he had no concept of how long it had actually been. Maybe two months captivity. 

However, the last few days had been the worst. He was not allowed to have the heavy chains removed from him at any time. They would occasionally come in and move his position as per the next customer's request, but there was never a moment where he had one limb freed from restraints. If he had, he would have taken the opportunity to kill whoever was in the room with him. 

He was currently visitor free. One of the workers was cleaning the room after the last session. He knew there was a lot of blood, he could feel a dull, distant ache across the back of his legs and across his whole back. Pain that should be excruciating but was barely there. He should be more concerned but eventually, he knew there'd be no link between his mind and body at all. The device they had created worked, but they had no idea how important it was for a Vulcan to be in tune with his body in such a way. 

“Spencer, don't bother with the cleanup, the next guy wants him healed.” came a woman's voice.  
Spock vaguely recognised her. 

The guy, Spencer, left the room and Spock awaited the jarring sensation as his mind and body were pulled away from one another, and the mind-numbing sickness that washed over him as they reconnected. He gagged at the sensation but he had little to bring up. 

He was on his back on the bed as he was locked in place. 

The next person came in and Spock paid no attention as they casually conversed to one another. They were talking about the change of events, the arena and fights to the death. None of it meant anything to him. Then the door closed. 

Spock thought nothing of it when there was a dip on the bed beside him before the body straddled him and he felt the warmth of hands at his throat. The body loomed over him, leaned in closer. 

“Spock?” 

Spock's eyes flicked upwards to the body on top of him.

“You remember me? I was here before.” Jack couldn't tell if there was any recognition in Spock's eyes, but he was at least paying attention to him. “If you don't remember I came in one time to see you. You were injured from the previous times and I asked them to heal you. You had a bad arm injury and once you came back healed, I cut your arm, do you remember?”

Something dark flashed in the Vulcan's eye and he strained against his restraints. 

“Calm down. I'm here to help. Listen, I'm going to release your restraints but you need to stay still, okay because if they know what I'm doing, they're going to come in here and kill me and you'll still be here, okay can you do that? Just nod.”

Spock nodded and remained still. “Good. Now I'm going to go and get some stuff, make it look like I'm here for what I'm supposed to be here for. I won't hurt you, I promise.”  
Jack released his hands from the Vulcan's neck and then climbed off before he went over and selected some weapons. 

When he came back over he had a small handsaw. 

“That will not cut the chains,” Spock informed. 

“It's not supposed too. This is all about making sure if anyone watches it looks like I'm doing what they think I'm doing. It's a bit like magic, its sleight of hand and some technological advances they aren't expecting.”

~

Josh was on surveillance duty. 

It was one of the least enjoyable tasks on Red Planet. Making sure people doing highly illegal stuff were only doing the illegal stuff they were supposed to be doing seemed pointless. Making sure no one cut into torture one of the kidnapped prisoners or that no fights broke out between the patrons watching said prisoners being tortured. 

It was clear that Josh was never going to do a good job on watch. And unfortunately for him, he didn't realise that a break out was happening until he watched the pair being teleported out.   
Josh did the only thing he could do in such a situation. He left and hoped he could get far enough before someone found out. 

~

The escape from a planet was always the toughest part. When they found out what happened, they would chase them. However, they had always a bold approach- hide in plain sight. If they left, those looking for them would chase the craft leaving the planet in a hurry, so rather than boldly making an escape from the area, that stayed where they were.

“Look at this,” Jess said, surveying the area.

“What?” Jack asked peering over. He was keeping an eye on the door that Commander Spock was currently behind waiting for the Vulcan to emerge. 

“There's a craft warping out of the area and another ship is following.” 

“They must have got wind of our daring rescue.” 

“I'd say so. Chase is on. Have you contacted Kirk?”

“Yeah. We've arranged a meetup.”

~

Kirk felt a nervous energy he hadn't felt in some time. 

He was eager to see Spock again. Bones had already given him a lecture on being prepared for the condition Spock may be in. Be prepared for injuries, weight loss. It wasn't common for kidnappers to give their prisoners haircuts and shave them. In short- be prepared for Spock to be a little different. 

“Do it,” Kirk said. 

Scotty nodded and there was Spock, starting to materialise before them. It took seconds before he was stood there, solidly before them. He was dressed in all black but besides from the different clothing, it couldn't look more like the Spock that had left them all that time ago. 

McCoy looked up from his readings, sure that what he found in person couldn't be the same as the readings. He shared a brief look of disbelief with Jim, but Kirk's eyes were all over Spock, far too interested in the return of the half Vulcan to consider the condition he was in and that the reality was quite odd. 

“It's good to see you, Commander,” Jim said, stepping up to Spock who hadn't moved from the transporter yet. He nodded. He hesitated before he spoke, unsure of himself. “Yes, I feel the same. Jim,” he added the name at the end, as an afterthought it seemed. 

Jim's smiled faltered, and McCoy spotted it. Spock would have too if he were looking, he was instead taking in the transporter room, as though it were the first time he had seen it. 

“Quite a sight, huh?” Scotty cut through the discomfort with his relaxed demeanour. “Can't imagine how I'd feel seeing such a beautiful sight upon my return to the ship.”

Spock didn't answer that. 

“I wish I could meet your rescuer, Spock. Tell him how grateful I am.” 

“I believe he is getting rewarded for his deed,” Spock said, dismissively. 

“Right. Well, I'm still grateful. I wish I could say thank you in person. Do you think they would allow a meeting?”

“Absolutely not, Captain,” Spock said abruptly. He seemed to realise his tone was perhaps harsher than he had anticipated. “Apologies. I just mean that he risks his life to save people. Anonymity is essential to his success,”

“It's okay, I understand. I can't believe it, Spock. I expected you to look.... different.”

“Different?” Spock repeated. 

“You've been gone so long. I just, I expected you to look different.”

“He's lost a little weight,” McCoy interjected, reading from the medical tricorder. “But for the time you've been away from the ship, it's pretty remarkable. You must have been well looked after.”

Spock said nothing to that and an awkward silence fell between the group before Jim broke it. “Well, er, Bones you need to do a medical, right?” McCoy nodded. “Okay so once you're done with that your Father's still on board I'm sure he'll be looking forward to seeing you.”

“Come on, Spock.” McCoy said. “Sooner this is over with, the sooner things can get back to normal.”


	12. Chapter 12

Spock lay still as stone on the bed in a private room in sickbay. 

McCoy was being ridiculously thorough. 

If it was frustrating Spock he did not show a hint of annoyance. More impressively, his readings did not betray the fact either.   
McCoy had been apprehensive about what the scans would show. The medical tricorder showed any injuries but it would not show a healed injury. He had silently wondered if Spock's injuries had been healed before he had been rescued but the scans showed no injuries whatsoever, not so much as a bruise from cuffs or a split lip.   
What did baffle the doctor was that prior to Spock's ill-fated trip to visit the K'Jar people, he had suffered a slight injury in a training accident. It was nothing serious, a small tear to a muscle in Spock's arm, and while it had healed a little, the injury should have been completely healed by now.

But besides from that, there really was nothing much to report on. Spock was in good health and besides from a couple of days to rest up, McCoy didn't see him being off duty for long.

Of course, that didn't mean that he was done with Spock and would send him out so easily. He did want to talk to him and see what the Vulcan had to say about his time away. 

“So, anything you want to talk about?”

“No.” Spock replied bluntly. 

“Nothing at all? What about where they kept you, who they were?”

“I will be going through official reports and debriefing with the Captain. It will be covered then.”

“Fair enough. So they treated you well then?”

“I was a prisoner, doctor, not a guest.”

“You don't have a mark on you. Hardly living through hell,” McCoy had been monitoring Spock's reactions and his heart rate spiked at McCoy's words. McCoy looked up to see Spock's reaction and was surprised to see the Vulcan, who was carefully not looking at McCoy struggling to contain some reaction. “It's okay, Spock. I know it's not been nice. I just needed to get some truth from you.”

Spock abruptly sat up, a fire in his eyes as he looked at McCoy. “Are we done?” he asked. 

“I think so,” McCoy agreed nodding. He was careful to keep some space between himself and Spock. Spock said nothing else as he left the room. 

~

McCoy met with Jim for a drink after he'd finished with Spock. 

Jim had initially suggested the rec room, but McCoy had opted to meet Jim in his quarters. He wanted to talk about Spock in a professional capacity and that couldn't be done publicly. 

When McCoy got there, he couldn't help but notice the relaxed attitude Jim had. The smile he wore was enough of a give away.   
“You're in a good mood,” McCoy lamented as he ordered a coffee. 

“I've been worried sick about Spock. I'm just relieved he's back onboard.” Jim admitted. 

“Yeah, it's great.” 

“You could try and mean that, Bones.”

“What? You think I want Spock missing?”

“I don't know, you just don't seem thrilled that his back.”

“It's not that, Jim. I'm worried.” 

“About what? The report you sent me says there's literally not a mark on him.”

“Okay, but that doesn't mean that he didn't go through something. That stuff you and Uhura were going through, that wasn't nothing.”

“So what do you think happened?”

“I don't have a clue. The only thing I can think if some kind of hallucination where he believed what he was seeing was true. He felt that he was under attack which is why it was so distressing for all of you. Including Spock.”

“I guess that makes sense. So how was he then?”

“Honestly? Edgy. I did goad him a little. I think Sarek will be able to help him more at the minute than I can. Whatever they did to him wasn't physical.”

~

Spock returned to his quarters after speaking to McCoy. 

He found the whole experience dealing with his crew mates to be taxing. Not just the questions and the concern but the human need to touch. He had received a few pats on the back or shoulder from crew members as he made his way to his quarters and he found it most unpleasant. The physicality, the lack of consideration they gave him as a Vulcan not to be touched and the fact that these humans had been part of the ordeal he had been through. Maybe not these exact humans but he still recalled with chilling clarity the human being who had raped him that first time. 

Out of habit, Spock lit incense although he did not intend to try and meditate. He knew that he needed some rest first, he would attempt meditation at a later time, although he partly knew that he feared trying to work his way through the mess his mind had become.  
He sat on the floor and closed his eyes. His mind tired but his body yearning to do something physical.   
He did not get much time to himself before he was disturbed by a visitor at his door. He stood before granting permission for them to enter and he was not at all surprised to see his Father.

“My son, I believed you were to come to me after being cleared by the Doctor,” Sarek said. 

“I apologise, Father. That was not my understanding. I wished to see you, but the need to be alone was greater.”

“I understand. I can assist you with meditation, should you require it.” 

“Thank you, Father,” Spock replied. Sarek took a step forward before Spock continued. “However, that is not necessary.”

“Spock, you are aware of our bond. And the bonds you cultivated with your partner as well as your Captain.” Sarek saw a brief flash of surprise at the news. So Spock had not intentionally bonded with Kirk. “I have blocked them as the distress you experienced was great. I do not believe you will be able to continue through with stabilising yourself with no assistance.”

“Father, please respect my wishes. I will call for your assistance when and if I need it.” 

Sarek nodded. “Very well, I shall respect your wishes. I shall be here whenever you need my help.”

“With all respect, Father, I do not feel it is necessary for you to stay onboard. You certainly have your own affairs to tend to.”

“I put everything on hold when my son went missing.” Sarek clarified. 

“And now your son is not missing and would like to return to his regular life.”

Sarek studied his son carefully before nodding his agreement. “Very well. I shall let the Captain know of my plans.” 

~

Much later, Spock sat alone and read the message from Kirk. 

The initial message was a formal letter requesting he meet Kirk tomorrow morning at 09.00 for a report on what happened. 

Kirk followed it with a more personal note. 

'Commander, 

I'm very pleased that you have returned safely to the ship. 

Please fill out the relevant forms beforehand. 

Doctor McCoy recommends two more days before you return to duty, so if you do have the time for a game of chess, I still have that one set up in my quarters. 

It's good to have you back. 

Jim.'

He wondered what exactly he was supposed to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spock adjusting to life back on the ship..... nothing has hit the fan yet but it's only a matter of time.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw a post on tumblr that debunked the theory that Kirk & Spock share a bathroom. The blueprints of the ship show that Spock and Kirk both have quarters where they have their own bathrooms and both have doors that lead onto the hallway from their bathroom. Kirk also has some sort of conference/meeting room next to him. Spock and McCoy are in fact neighbours.   
> Anyway, the only reason I'm mentioning this is I'm following this plan for the layout of the ship, even though I have used the previous layout in other fics. 
> 
> More importantly, this chapter has some flashbacks to abuse, including sexual abuse. Please read carefully if that will upset you. The section is marked.   
> The section is not descriptive and only mentions some of the things Spock went through very briefly.

Jim received the completed report from Spock in the early hours of the morning. 

For a report completed by Spock, it was somewhat lacking in details. Jim read through the report and made a few notes on some sections he needed clarity on. Once that was completed, Jim showered and headed out for breakfast.   
He returned to his quarters with enough time to grab the PADD with his notes on and head to the conference room where he was meeting Spock. 

He set himself up for the meeting and was halfway through his coffee when Spock arrived, as punctual as ever. 

“Commander, you know the drill here. This should take too long to get through.” Kirk said. Spock nodded in response as he waited, hands clasped behind is back. “We won't be long but why don't you sit?” Kirk said. 

“If you require,” Spock responded and took a seat. 

Kirk looked through the submitted report from Spock and the related notes on them. “Okay, there's just a few points I need clarifying. Now, you mentioned the initial capture that you never saw those responsible. How is that exactly?”

“The cell I was captive in had a shoot where food and water would be dropped in. I recall something dropped to the floor. It was a container but it did not contain water.”

“What was in it?” Kirk asked. 

“I was unsure. No substance that I was familiar with.” 

“So what happened after that?”

“There were noises. And an unfamiliar voice said “Vulcan”. Something else fell into the hole and that was the last thing I remember.”

Kirk nods. “The next thing you have is waking in a room. Nothing else before that?”

“Affirmative.”

“Okay. You said that for your entire captivity, you were only ever in this one room, right?” Spock nods his agreement with the statement. “And that's it. They just left you in a room for a month?”

“Yes,” Spock lied, seamlessly. 

Kirk knew it was a lie but did he push Spock over it? “Spock, this report, for you, is very sparse.”

“I can not tell you more, Captain. Nothing else happened.” 

“Okay. Well, then I will submit this. We're done.”

“You have more questions written down,” Spock stated. 

“Yeah. They're not important. As nothing happened. You can go.”

Spock nodded and retreated towards the door. 

“Spock, wait.” The door was still closed as Kirk came over to his second in command. “Look, off the record, if there's anything you want to tell me, you can do. You know that right?”

“Of course, Captain,” Spock replied. He reached for the door panel to leave and Kirk stopped him, grabbing his wrist. Spock allowed it to halt his movements, but experience told Kirk that had he wanted too, Spock could easily overpower him. 

“Spock, I know something happened to you. You established a bond between us and I felt your pain before your Father blocked it. I know they hurt you.”

Spock pulled is arm free of Kirk's grip. “You said we were done,” Spock replied. He averted his gaze from Kirk, focused on the door, his escape. 

“Come to my quarters after my shift ends. I just want to talk.”

“You only wish to talk about what you believed happened to me.” 

“Okay but Spock if nothing happened then tell me why I felt those things?”

“Maybe your own issues should be discussed with Doctor McCoy. He is a trained professional.”

“Spock-”

“What is it you want to hear, Captain? That they tortured me? Would that satisfy you? Perhaps next time I shall request such a thing so as not to displease you.” Spock didn't give Kirk the chance to say anything else as he exited the room. 

Kirk returned to the table and looked over Spock's report before pushing it to one side. On the PADD he had bought in with him, he began writing. 

~

Kirk joined McCoy in his office, taking a coffee with him. 

“So, how'd it go?” McCoy asked.

“I got nothing,” Kirk replied. “He still says they just left him in a room. You know, if we didn't have those bonds, I'm not sure I wouldn't believe that nothing happened.” 

“Well, I haven't bothered to hit him with the fact that his mind is an absolute disaster area. I mean Vulcan brain scan on a normal day looks pretty crazy but I've done enough full scans when he's been injured to know what normal looks like for him. This isn't it.” McCoy showed Kirk some normal scans and Spock's most recent scan. 

“Well, what good is that if he denies anything happened.” 

“It's enough to know something happened. So what, they didn't physically harm him at all, but they did something to him. His readings wouldn't be like that if he was left alone in a room for a month.”

“So why don't you say something?”

“I was hoping that he'd come forward himself. I mean, it's only been a day. If I approach Spock about a medical issue he'll clam up. Unless it's an incredibly obvious physical injury, you know what he's like. Remember when he got that mutated flu virus? The only reason he came to sickbay was that he got that infection in his eye from the flu and couldn't act like he was fine any longer.” 

“I probably pushed it too far, I doubt he'll come and see me.” 

“What did you say?”

“I did the report and I told him he could tell me anything off the record and that didn't do anything so I asked why I felt things through the bond.”

“Nice,” McCoy said, mocking Kirk gently with his handling of the situation. 

“I know, I didn't know what else to do.” Kirk conceded. 

“Well, maybe he'll decide to talk to you.”

~

When Uhura let herself into Spock quarters after getting no response, she wasn't that surprised to find him sleeping on the bed. 

She had finished her shift, eaten and showered before coming to see him. She'd wanted to give him the time and space she knew he needed right now. She walked over to beside the bed before gently waking him by softly calling his name.   
Spock was a light sleeper, she was surprised the door opening didn't wake him, but the sound of her voice did rouse him. His dark eyes were looking into hers, all trace of tiredness gone. 

“Nyota,” he whispered quietly. 

“I missed you so much,” she confessed, her hand reaching out for him. He raised his own had to touch her own, pulling her hand down against his face, enveloping it between his cheek and hand. She closed her eyes at the feeling, at his openness towards her. He pulled her gently towards him, closer and she climbed behind him on the bed, lay closely against his back and held him. 

“I have missed this,” he said, as he gently stroked her arms. “I have missed you.” 

After some time laying that way, Spock turned towards her, breathed in her scent as he nestled against her. They lay that way until they both fell asleep, safely in one another's arms. 

~

Warning! Mentions past abuse

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spock woke suddenly. 

Nyota was still laying beside him and he managed to slip out of bed undetected and into the bathroom. Spock grabbed onto the sink to try and control the trembling of his body but it made little difference. He grasped at his neck, feeling as though hands were around his throat. Of course, he found nothing there and he exited the bathroom and straight into the hallway where he stumbled down to McCoy's quarters. 

For all Spock knew, the doctor was on duty but the door opened and Spock felt like he fell in the room. 

“Spock, what's wrong?” McCoy asked. 

“Can't breath,” he gasped, his own hands clasping his throat again. 

McCoy grabbed a chair and pushed Spock into it as he grabbed a light. “Open,” he told Spock as he held the light and looked down Spock's throat. He pried Spock's hands gently from his throat and felt for swelling. He loaded a hypo but didn't use it. Ready in case it was needed. 

“I'm dying,” Spock said. 

“Listen to me, breath in through your nose for four seconds, now hold for seven....” McCoy counted along as he gave Spock instructions. “Okay good, now out through your mouth for eight. The repeat” He crouched in front of Spock as he did it. “That's good, now just keep going and listen to me, okay? You're not dying. You're going to be fine.” 

Spock didn't spare McCoy much more than a brief look but he did grab on to the Doctors arm and squeezed. “Hey, easy. I'm a delicate human being. You know how fragile we are.” Spock relaxed the grip but didn't let go.   
Eventually, the grip loosened more and Spock's breathing started to calm until he was breathing normally. 

“So I guess that was your first panic attack, right?” McCoy stated. 

Spock released his grip on McCoy's arm. “I apologise if I injured you, Doctor.” 

“Please, I'm a professional. So what triggered it then?” 

“I suppose I had a dream,” Spock absently rubbed at the eye he recalled being gouged out and a shudder gripped him. 

“It's over now,” McCoy reassured him, gently encouraging Spock to leave his eye that his hand was twitching over. “Listen I don't know what you want to do. We can stay here, or we can go somewhere else if you like. A little fresh air may be good. What do you say?” 

Spock just nodded blankly. 

McCoy smiled “Which is it to be? I'm not a mind reader, you know.” 

He was joking but Spock had stopped listening. McCoy's words, so innocent but burnt into Spock's mind forever. A taunt 'So Vulcan, which is it to be?' asked before he was forced to perform oral sex before his anal passage was ripped to shreds. Before he killed the Klingon and then himself. Before he lost his eye. Before his Achilles were sliced into, before the acid, before the poker, before the fire, before the gang rape. 

“Spock?” McCoy tentatively asked. And Spock turned to him. 

~

Spock had grown deathly still, face pale, breathing rapidly. His eyes panicked and unseeing. 

When McCoy called his name and Spock looked towards him, the sight that greeted him was terrifying. There was no recognition from Spock at all, just fear. And then just as suddenly as Spock's mood had changed, he bolted for the door.   
Spock was quick, but McCoy was quicker. “Lockdown!” he yelled, halting Spock's escape. 

Spock, who was acting in fear rather than logic just ponded at the door, giving McCoy the chance to use the hypo he'd readied earlier. A strong sedative that worked quickly. 

“No,” Spock muttered as he sank to the ground. McCoy grabbed him, helped to lower him gently to the floor. “Don't let it happen again.” 

“Ssh. Nothing's going to happen. You're safe.” McCoy assured him. He hoped some part of Spock heard and understood that before he passed out. Now slumped at his feet, McCoy cradling his head he was aware that he couldn't do much to help Spock like this. He carefully lay Spock's head down on the ground and called Jim. The simple explanation of 'It's Spock' worked to placate Jim from his late night disturbance. 

Within five minutes of Kirk arriving, they'd put Spock to bed to sleep off the sedative and whatever else was troubling him.


	14. Chapter 14

McCoy had filled Jim in on what had happened with Spock before sending Kirk back to his own quarters. The idea had been for Jim to return to sleep before his shift started but his mind stayed with Spock and he couldn't return to sleep no matter how hard he tried. He gave up eventually and decided he'd get an early start. 

He hit the gym for a work out before grabbing breakfast. On his way back to his quarters to get ready for his shift, he got a call about a ship in distress. The ship was stranded with severe damage and they were unlikely to be able to move without assistance. 

With reassurance that help was on its way, Kirk ordered a change of direction and headed to McCoy's quarters to check in on Spock. 

“I thought he'd be awake by now,” Kirk said as he entered, Spock's prone form still on the bed. 

“He started to come out with it but he seemed a little distressed. I decided to give him another sedative. I'd rather he wake up calmly. If he does it again, I'll take him down to sickbay before I let him come out of it.” 

Kirk nodded his approval. “Keep me updated. I'll be on the bridge.” 

~

“Captain Kirk, thank you for your assistance.”

“It's no problem. I will send a team to your ship to assist with the repairs. My chief engineer will be of great help to you, I'm certain.” 

“I expect so. However, Captain, I do wish to speak to you, Sir. Privately.”

“You wish me to board your vessel too?” Kirk asked. Jim could feel the tension in the room. 

“I'm perfectly happy to beam aboard your ship if that suits you.” 

Kirk considered the options. “I shall come to you.”

~

Much later, Scotty had a team on board the vessel working on the repairs and Kirk was lead into the private quarters of the ship's Captain. 

“I am sorry to say that I lied to you, Captain, about who I am.” 

“For what purpose?” Kirk didn't feel threatened by the confession. 

“To get you here with no suspicion from your crew.”

“Why would my crew be suspicious of you?”

“Not all of them. But two. Your first officer, Mr Spock. I was the one who rescued him.”

Kirk was dumbfounded. “I- I don't know how to thank you.”

“Don't thank me yet, Captain, we have a lot to discuss.”

“Go ahead.” Kirk encouraged. 

Jack indicated a seat and took one himself. Jim seated himself as well.

“I will assume that Commander Spock has not been forthcoming with information about his capture.”

“He has given a rather vague report of his time.”

“Okay, then let me fill in some of the blanks for you, Sir. The place where Commander Spock was detained was known as a Red Planet. A lot of criminal activity happens on them but because of the sheer volume of patrons and those that fund it, Star Fleet don't want to know. Unfortunately, a lot of good people get caught up in these places.”

“Like Spock.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you know what happened to him there?”

“Not precisely. But I know the sort of things they do.” Jack looked torn between saying more. “I don't consider it my place to say anything but let me tell you that the torture they put him through was vast.”

“Wait, torture? Like mental torture? Because he's got nothing on his scans besides from crazy brain waves.” 

“And that's why I have to say something. The damage done to this ship was from Spock. He did it before he left the ship.”

“Why would he do that to people who helped him?”

“Because he doesn't want you to find out what happened to him.”

“So what did happen to him?” Kirk's voice took on an authoritative tone.

“You can't let him know that you know this.”

“Just.... please tell me.” 

“One thing that this Red Planet has are these 10 rooms. Highly sophisticated technology that I haven't seen anywhere else. Each room has a different captive. It's one of the biggest attractions to this Planet.”

“You're avoiding telling me anything,” Kirk said. 

“I didn't want to be the one to have to tell you this, Kirk.”

Jim felt his heart skip a beat, anxiety clawing at him. “Just tell me.”

“They killed him.”

“What?”

“Not just once. But over and over. That's their thing. No consequences. I don't know exactly what he went through because I wasn't there. But I found out enough posing as a customer. They had developed a way to reset time, jut in those 10 rooms. Someone goes in and beats him to death. They set back time, and he's all healed up, ready for the next one.” 

“That's what they did to him?”

“Yeah.”

“I don't get it though. If they kept resetting time, surely he forgets everything?”

“That's what used to happen. They found out a way to keep the memories intact. I don't know how they did it.” 

“What sort of things did he go through?”

“I honestly don't know, Kirk. But I'm sure you can imagine that with no limitations on what they could do he probably went through hell. You have to realise though, Spock is potentially a liability right now. He isn't himself. You and your crew need to be aware.” 

Kirk tried to absorb all he'd been told. “Wait, you said two of my crew would be suspicious. So beside from Spock, who else would be?”

“Getting someone like Spock is a huge draw for them. Someone on your ship would have betrayed him in some way.” 

“It's not possible. None of my crew would-” but then Kirk stopped speaking. He started thinking about the circumstances that lead to Spock being imprisoned in the first place. “I know who it is.” 

~

Spock woke to the voices in his head. Memories taunting him. Ones that had been allowed to fester while he'd been sleeping. Crude and cruel remarks chanting in his mind that he had to find the strength to silence and keep silenced. It was no easy task for someone whose mind was so damaged. But he did his best. Silenced those most damaging and hurtful to him and just ignored the rest. 

With most of the noise from within quietened down, Spock realised he was cold. The temperature wasn't to his own preference. In fact, the room didn't even smell like his room. 

He opened his eyes to see an unfamiliar room but an undeniably familiar presence in the room. Doctor McCoy was sat at a desk, working away, his back to Spock.  
It gave Spock a sense of comfort not to be alone and despite part of him wanting to leave the room and return to his own room, where the temperature was a lot better, he instead decided to pull the cover up a little more and return to sleep. 

Once the Vulcan had fallen back to sleep, McCoy turned the temperature up a little more and added another blanket on top of the pile already covering Spock. 

~

Jim located Spock in McCoy's quarters and headed there. He was surprised that rather than letting him in, McCoy met him at the door. 

“Am I banned from your room now?” Jim asked with a slight smile. 

“No, Spock's still sleeping.” 

“Still?” Jim checked the time. “How long has he had?”

“About nine hours now.” 

“Sorry Bones but I need to speak to him.”

“It's that important?”

“I think one of the crew betrayed us.” 

McCoy stood aside and Jim made his way over to the bed. He was surprised when McCoy went back to his work. “Spock?” 

Spock opened his eyes almost instantly, his gaze settling on Jim. “Captain,” he greeted. 

It took a moment or two for the clarity to return in Spock's eyes and Jim couldn't help but think back to what he'd been told earlier. Spock's look darkened, as though he knew Jim's secret conversation but he said nothing more. “Spock, I need you to tell me something. Back on Enthana, did you really fall into the building?”

“I suppose the truth does not matter much now. I did not stumble. Ensign Briggs stumbled into me and I was propelled forward, leading to the accidental touching of the building. I was going to express as much, however, Briggs feared the indiscretion would be hurtful to his career. I asked him to verify my version of events.”

“And he had no issue about that?” 

“He had some minor misgivings but nothing I could not talk him out of.” 

“What's going on, Jim?” McCoy asked. 

“Briggs set him up. He worked with someone to make sure Spock was left behind on the planet. I knew it”

“I believe the error with the universal translator may be down to him as well,” Spock added. “I don't believe that it malfunctioned or that the device would not have picked up the difference between day and weeks without someone programming it to do so.” 

“You didn't think to mention this sooner?” Kirk asked, surprised at the casual attitude Spock seemed to have regarding it. 

“I don't believe it is an issue any longer, Captain. It has been dealt with.” 

“What do you mean, dealt with?”

“I eliminated the problem.”

“Eliminated?” Kirk repeated. Spock nodded. 

“Eliminated like terminated?” McCoy pushed. 

Spock looked thoughtful before he nodded. “Yes. I terminated the problem.”

“Computer, locate Ensign Briggs,” Kirk said. 

“Ensign Briggs is not onboard the ship.” the computer replied. 

“Spock, what have you done?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What has Spock done to Briggs?   
> Does he suspect that Kirk has talked to Jack and what action will he take if he thinks his ordeal is to be exposed?


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock knows he needs to do something about his situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the super short chapter this time.   
> I've been very busy but wanted to get something out for you. 
> 
> See end notes for why this chapter is so short.

“Spock, did you kill him?”

“Of course not,” Spock said. 

“So how exactly have you eliminated him?” Kirk continued to probe. 

“I never said I eliminated him. I said I eliminated the problem.” 

“What's the difference?”

“The difference is I did not murder someone in cold blood as you seem to believe me capable of.” 

“Of course no one thinks that, Spock,” McCoy interrupted. “It was just a little startling to hear. So what happened, exactly?”

“I had a lot of time to think things through and came to the same conclusions that you did,” Spock explained. “Of course, I had the added benefit of knowing that Briggs had been the cause of the whole series of events as well.”

“So what did you do about it?”

“I merely spoke to him about it. I believe he was already planning to leave the ship due to my return. Our conversation hurried things along.” 

Kirk looked visibly relieved about the news. “Spock, I need to talk to McCoy about a few things.”

Spock didn't make a move at first. He considered what he should do next. He should find Nyota and explain to her what happened. Spock nodded before he left the quarters. 

With Spock gone, Jim turned to McCoy. “I spoke to the guy who rescued Spock. He was on that ship. He said Spock sabotaged it. And that Spock was tortured-”

“Wait, Jim. Listen, I don't want to know.” 

“What do you mean you don't want to know?”

“It's great that you're getting answers but Spock came to me when he was in distress. If he knows I've been conversing with you on secrets about him, he's going to close up. Isolate himself.”

“Did he tell you anything?”

“No. And I didn't ask him too. But he's trusting me. And that's a huge deal.”

“You're right. You need to stay outside of this. I'll deal with it myself, okay?” 

Jim left McCoy's quarters deep in thought. He turned towards his own quarters and was surprised to see Spock stood watching him, a dark look on his face. Before Jim could say anything, Spock turned and left. 

~

Spock gave Uhura his slight approximation of a smile as he climbed into bed beside her. 

She had turned the heating controls in her room up to accommodate him, something he told her was unnecessary but he did not make note of it this night. He lay close beside her, a hand snaking across her stomach and resting there. She had been reading but with Spock beside her, she was no longer interested in the text. 

“Are you okay?” she asked. She never usually asked him in such a human way. Frequently it did not go anywhere with him. But this wasn't like normal. 

“The Captain is questioning my sanity.” 

“What?” 

“He believed I killed in cold blood.”

“I'm sure that he's just worried about you and it came out in a bad way. He knows you. That wouldn't do that.” 

“What if I did?”

“Spock, you can talk to me, you know. If there's something you need to tell me.”

“I need to work on my control. I am not thinking clearly.”   
Spock went to get up and out of bed but Uhura gently stopped him with a touch of her hand. 

“You need rest. Sometimes, sleep is essential. Even for a Vulcan like you. Sleep. And then work on your control after you've had some rest.” 

Spock found her logic impossible to argue against and was soon laying back down in the bed, wrapped in her safe embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm stalling on this majorly because I just don't know who to have Spock make his confession too. 
> 
> I originally was going to go with McCoy, as he is probably the most professionally removed from Spock. he would be able to hear what Spock has to say without being as affected by it, even though he would privately be horrified.   
> Should Spock seek McCoy out to confess what he went through?
> 
> Jim clearly knows things that Spock hasn't told him already and is doubting him based on the knowledge he has.   
> Does Jim force a confrontation between himself and Spock where Spock will eventually lose it and tell Jim what happened to him? 
> 
> Uhura is someone Spock is seeking comfort in. Would he want to burden her with such awful things, even if he knows she can accept all he's been through? He knows it won't change them, but it's still a huge thing to lay on someone you love. 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think. Please let me know in the comments which way you'd like me to ake this story. :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. I want to thank everyone who made suggestions about who Spock would turn too. The stuff you all posted was really helpful and I appreciate the time you all took to let me know how you felt about it.

McCoy was certain that Spock had some sort of special ability for bad timing. 

So there wasn't a medical emergency or anything, but he was in the middle of his staff evaluations when Spock came to see him. But of course, there was nothing to do but tell Spock that of course now was a good time and welcome him into his office. 

He left the PADD to one side, mentally finishing the evaluation off in his mind as Spock seated himself in the chair opposite McCoy's own. He had tried over the years to make his office less of an intimidating place. But no matter what he did, everyone always seemed to become more self-conscious when they sat on the other side of the desk. What was comforting to Spock was a what made humans more uncomfortable- a formal setting.

McCoy gave Spock a considerable length of time to find the words he wanted to say. When none came, none at all, McCoy felt he might need to help the Vulcan a little.   
“So, did you want something or did you just come for the décor?” 

“The company,” Spock replied. 

At first, McCoy thought it was Spock making a joke. He didn't do it often, and his humour was usually overlooked if those around him didn't understand it, but McCoy knew Spock well enough to realise that although he could have said such a thing in jest, he wasn't doing so right now. His eyes were all too serious. He genuinely chose to come here for company. 

“Alpha shift is on. I did not want to be alone,” Spock added. 

McCoy knew that in itself was a big admission by Spock. He was usually content in his own company, sometimes too much for his own good. But he couldn't say anything like that to Spock, should he close up on him and retreat to solitude. “Do you want to talk about anything?” McCoy offered. He made the offer casually, getting up and retrieving a coffee for himself. Spock declined a drink for himself when offered. When he sat back down, drink in hand, Spock was still mulling over the offer to talk. “Can I tell you what I think?” McCoy asked, though it was a rhetoric and he gave Spock no chance to answer. “I don't think right now, you're ready to talk. But you can stay here while I work and keep me company, even if it's in companionable silence. And if you do have the desire to speak, even if it's about work, then we can do.”

Spock's shoulders seem to relax slightly. Whatever he had come here with the intention of doing, he wasn't ready for, McCoy decided. 

That was how it started. Spock coming along to McCoy's office. Sometimes Spock would bring a PADD with him and work on some projects, either personal projects that were of interest to him or some scientific ones for when he was back in the labs, he'd meditated a couple of times, though McCoy noticed when he tried that, Spock seemed to become somewhat frustrated and often left early and subdued. And a few times now, he'd come and wanted to talk. Not about anything deep and personal but he would talk. Ask McCoy what he was working on, or how his family was. Or they would talk ethics and morality. Life on the ship. Jim. Or maybe a planet that they had shared a scientific interest in. 

On one particular day, Spock wasn't really doing anything. He had a PADD with him but barely looked at it and every time McCoy had to get up for something, he could see the PADD wasn't even switched on.  
Eventually, he asked. 

“So, you're not meditating today then?” 

“It is somewhat pointless when I do not achieve the desired results.”

“Ah, that is annoying,” McCoy agreed, heading to get himself another coffee. “Anything I can help with?” McCoy made the offer anytime Spock made reference to any issue, no matter how minor, that he was having. And Spock always declined. So when the word “Perhaps,” was spoken, the doctor almost dropped his coffee.   
He did his best to hide his surprise and sat back down at his desk. “Shoot.” 

“I have not been entirely honest with you or the Captain.” 

McCoy took a sip of coffee and nodded that Spock had his attention. He didn't want to verbalise anything that may detract Spock from continuing. 

“I do not wish to talk about it. Really, it is irrelevant,” Spock paused and considered his words. 

“You don't have to say anything,” McCoy gently reminded. 

Spock's brow creased a little as he locked eyes with the doctor. One thing that McCoy had noticed about Spock over the years, and he assumed it was a Vulcan trait, was the intense eye contact they tended to initiate. Where a human would maybe lock eyes with someone briefly before looking away, a Vulcan did not do such a thing. On occasion, if Spock was troubled over something, or working on some sort of moral issue, he would look away, but it was usually to calculate odds or some other scientific pursuit.   
So, McCoy held Spock's gaze, even if he would be more comfortable looking away and breaking the look. If it was a natural, comfortable thing for Spock to do, then McCoy could endure it for as long as Spock wanted too. 

“I-” he started before stopping, mouthing clamping shut as though he couldn't bear to speak the words. 

“Do you want to talk about this, or do you just feel guilty about keeping things from Jim?”

Spock took a minute before he answered. “I suppose it may be guilt.” 

“Do you think telling Jim that he doesn't know the whole truth would help, even if you don't want to tell him what that truth is right now?”

“I suppose I would not be lying to him.” 

“Okay. You wait here and I'm going to get Jim and bring him here, okay?” Spock nodded. 

~

McCoy took Jim to his quarters on his way back to his own office for some privacy. 

“Listen, Spock's making progress but he's feeling guilty that he hasn't been truthful. Now, he wants to make that right with you.”

“That's great.”

“Wait a minute, Jim. What you think that means and what it actually means are two different things, okay?” 

“What it means is he's accepting whatever happened.”

“Yeah that's true, but what it means right now is that he is probably just going to tell you he lied to you, not what the lie was.” 

“Okay, just let me see him and hear it for myself.”

“No pushing him. He'll tell you what he wants too.”

“Let's just go.”

McCoy sighed but followed after.

~

Spock was awaiting McCoy's return and didn't turn when the door opened. 

He sat, back stiff as he heard the footsteps approach. “Captain, it may be easier for me to say this without seeing your reaction. I apologise but I was not truthful before. I kept something from you. I-” 

A hand was placed on his shoulder. Supportive to the admission he had just made. Until it wasn't. Until it wrapped around his neck, pulling him close against whoever was behind him. And then he felt the hypospray being pushed against his neck, the grip didn't loosen as his own grip on consciousness did.

~ 

McCoy and Kirk had just entered the turbolift when the ship shook with the blasts from an attack. 

“What the-” McCoy muttered, grabbing at the rail. 

Kirk stumbled to the comm panel. “Sulu, what's happening?” 

“Someone attacked us but they're cloaked. I can't see who it is, Sir.” 

“Shields up, I'm on my way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a bit of a curveball here, huh?   
> I really was going to have Spock tell McCoy and then Kirk that he was lying to them and then in my head, Jim might have got a little frustrated and left, maybe Spock would have opened up to Nyota or McCoy, but then as I wrote Spock sitting there with his back to the door I was like 'well, what if it isn't Kirk that goes in?!'   
> But.... who is it?


	17. Chapter 17

Spock woke feeling a little disorientated. 

The first thing he noticed was that he was not on the Enterprise. His heart fluttered in his side at what this might mean but he controlled himself. He needed to stay calm. He listened carefully to the noises around him. Besides from the sound of the ship being completely wrong, he heard nothing else. No one was close to him, possibly not even in the same room. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see a smaller ship than he anticipated. He was on a bed at the back of the ships small bridge. There were four chairs at the small crafts bridge, only two occupied. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Spock asked as he got up, standing at the edge of the forcefield that kept him. 

The two startled and turned towards Spock. 

“You said that would keep him out until we got to the Red Planet,” one of them said. 

“It should have! Damn, Vulcans! Well, he'll have to stay awake.”

Spock heard their plans to return him to the red planet. He theorised that the ship he was on wouldn't be out of range of the Enterprise. McCoy had been on his way to get Kirk so it would take them long to realise he was missing. However, they were smart enough to get him off the Enterprise successfully, so they clearly were not to be dismissed. Spock looked around himself. There was no obvious way out of his current situation, so he needed to do something unexpected.   
Turning his back to them, Spock looked to the wall panel before punching his fist into the wall panel, bending the metal. 

“Hey,” one of the men shouted. 

Spock ignored him as he grabbed a piece of the damaged panel and pulled it loose before using a sharp edge and cutting into his forearm. 

“What the hell's he doing?” Blood splattered to the floor. “Is he trying to kill himself?”

“This is Commander Spock...” 

“Shit! He's got a communicator implant. Open the fucking door,” he said, rushing over to the forcefield just as it vanished. He reached for Spock, grabbing hold of him from behind. 

Spock, anticipating the move, staggered backwards before thrusting his head back. The crunch of the man's nose let Spock know he'd made contact. In a few steps, he was able to grab the other man, who had stumbled to try and reactivate the forcefield too late. Spock grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the controls and grabbed his head, ready to snap the fragile human neck. He probably would have gone through with it if he had any control right then and didn't pick up the terrified humans only thought- I don't want to die.

Spock shoved the human towards the other and activated the forcefield. Spock sat down on one of the chairs and quickly studied the controls.

~

McCoy was anxious. 

It didn't take them long to figure out that the attack was a decoy, McCoy had returned to his office while Kirk just finished up on the bridge and when he'd found Spock had gone, he figured he'd maybe gone back to his quarters, but he asked the ship's computer to locate him anyway. When it came back that Spock was not onboard it had taken no time at all to realise what had happened. 

The biggest concern had been the lack of a ship to chase. Kirk had halted all movement not wanting to get further away from Spock. Luckily, they received a distress signal followed by a message from Spock informing them he had halted the ship and awaited their arrival. 

McCoy fixed Spock's arm while Kirk went through what had happened. Spock's details were brief. McCoy listened as Spock explained they had taken the chance to take him, knowing he was the son of an Ambassador and were hoping to get a payoff. Kirk seemed to buy the explanation.   
“Well, I'm just glad that incident was short-lived and that you're okay,” Jim said with a smile. “Bones was saying you had something you wanted to say?”

The colour seemed to drain from Spock's face at that and he froze slightly and the reminder. “No, Captain.”

Jim locked eyes with McCoy who just shook his head. He didn't want Jim to push things right now. “Okay, well you know where I am if anything comes up.” 

Spock nodded and Jim left McCoy to it. 

Once Jim was gone, McCoy pressed Spock for some more answers. “I thought you wanted to tell him you lied to him?”

“Something happened,” Spock said. 

McCoy grabbed a chair and sat in front of Spock. “Go on.” 

“They took me so they could return me to the Red Planet.” 

“Why didn't you tell Jim that?” 

Spock held out a PADD with some coordinates on it. “I got these from the ship.” 

McCoy took it and looked at them. “Is this where I think it is?” Spock just nodded. “I don't get what you're thinking here, Spock?”

“If I returned, they could fix me.” 

Something clenched painfully in McCoy's heart to hear Spock say those words. “Spock, if you go back they'll kill you.” 

“I am trying, doctor. But I can not make this work. It is always there, beside me and I can not let it go.” 

“Listen-”

“No! I can not wait. I will not live this way, Doctor. The only way to overcome this would be to allow a Vulcan healer to share the experience and heal my mind. I can not allow another to see what is inside of me.”

“Calm down. I was just going to say that if you want to do this, you won't be able to do it alone. We need to think this through. Plan it. We need Jim in on this.”

“I can not-”

“I know. I'll do it. I'll tell him all that I know, okay?”

“He already knows more than you do. I can see it in his eyes. The pity.” 

“Spock-”

“Doctor, if I tell you, in confidence, what happened to me, can I trust you to tell Jim the relevant information, for the purpose of the mission?” 

McCoy nodded. 

“I will not go into detail.”

“Whatever you need to tell me you know will be with complete confidence, okay?”

“My scans are erratic, correct?” McCoy nodded. “They learnt to cheat death.”

McCoy looked puzzled. “How so?”

“They had chambers that meant that if you died in them, they could go back to when you were living.”

“And that's what they did? They let you die.”

“No, doctor. They killed me. Repeatedly. Brutally. And then they found a way to make me remember everything they did.”

“My god-” McCoy muttered. 

“They tortured me to death over and over again. And I can recall everything about it.”   
McCoy wasn't even looking at Spock, staring off at something. 

“Leonard-” he choked on the word. It stuck in his too dry throat. He swallowed the feeling away. “I can not live with it any longer.”


	18. Chapter 18

McCoy had told Spock to go back to his quarters and get some rest and he'd deal with everything else. 

He was trying to make things easier for Spock, who could barely express a normal human emotion, let alone the sort of angst he was carrying around with him. But telling Jim what Spock wanted to do wasn't going to go down well.   
In fact, he didn't even seek Jim out, just went for a few drinks to try and pluck up the courage. That was where Jim found him. 

“Hey,” he greeted, casually. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” McCoy replied with a sigh. “Spock needs our help.” 

“Yeah, I know he does-”

“He's got a plan.” Jim's confused expression made McCoy sigh again and pour himself another drink. “Sit down, will ya.” Kirk obeyed. 

“Listen, Bones-”

“He lied to you. Today. Those guys who took him were going to return him to the Red Planet.”

“What? Why didn't he say?”

“Because he wants to go back there. He told me what they did to him. They tortured him relentlessly until he died. And then they went back in time to before anything happened to him and did it all again. But they made him remember it. Somehow.” McCoy finished off his drink. “He wants them to fix him.” 

“There's no way I'm letting him go back there.” 

“Jim, I know it's a helluva risk, but he can't get overcome this. It's too much. He's suffered through what would be years of abuse in any normal situation, the fact that it didn't matter if he died just means they didn't have to let him heal and rest. He couldn't even get peace from death.”

“I get what he went through was tough, but there are healers who can help him.”

“He won't let them help. It's too personal. It's too much. Jim, he can't live with it. He just can't.” 

“Bones, I can't take him back to that place,” Kirk pleaded for his friend to understand what he was asking. 

“You think I want to? Hell, Spock doesn't want to go there either. They've done too much damage for him to ever be the Spock we knew before. Even if he got the help he needs.”

“How does he even think this is going to work?”

“The ship that captured him was going to the Red Planet, so we know where to go. We just need you to come up with a plan.” 

“You're serious? You want me to come up with a fun way for Spock to get recaptured?”

“Doctor?” Said Spock, who had seemingly appeared from nowhere. “May I speak with the captain in private please?” 

“Sure,” McCoy agreed, heading out of the room. 

“How long have you been there?” Jim asked. 

“I only just arrived,” Spock answered. 

“Look, Spock, I understand what you want and why, but I can't approve this plan. I don't think you're being logical and maybe McCoy's been spending too much time with you, but he shouldn't be encouraging this.”

“Jim, I cannot express to you my need for this. If anyone were to understand me without the need for explanation, I thought it would be you.”

“This could go so wrong, Spock. What if we lose. What if they take you and we can't get you back?” 

“You would not allow it to happen.”

“I've already allowed it to happen. I let them keep you on Endana when I should have done more to get you off the planet, from that stupid harsh sentence.” 

“There were factors working against us that you were not aware of,” Spock remarked. “The blame is not yours, Captain. But, in order to do what I wish, I need your help. Even with the Doctor's goodwill, we would not fare well.” 

“I need some time to think about it, okay? Just 24 hours.”

Spock nodded his agreement. 

~

Spock had returned to his quarters, showered and put on a fresh uniform before grabbing some spare clothes and heading to Uhura's quarters. 

He didn't spend more than twenty minutes in his quarters nowadays, preferring to find company instead of solitude. He had thought it would be the opposite of that. Uhura greeted him warmly as he entered. She was sat on her bed, reading, but put the book beside her when Spock entered. 

He walked to her closet and hung up the items he'd bought along with him to change into later. He sat on the bed, removing his boots before he lay down beside her. There had been times recently where he'd not bothered with such formalities and Nyota took it as a good sign that he was doing things he would have done previously. He draped an arm across her midsection as he lay close to her. 

“Are you okay?” 

“No. I do not believe I am capable of being okay any more.” 

Uhura's brow creased in concern. “Spock, don't say that.”

“It is the truth. There is something you should know.”

Nyota broke free from Spock's grasp of her and sat up, so she could look at him. With her body missing to anchor onto, Spock also sat up. “Tell me.” 

“I have the location of the planet I was held captive on, the Red Planet as it is known. I have told the Captain that I want to return there in the hope that they can undo what has been done to me.” 

“Spock, that's crazy.”

“Trust me, Nyota. I did not make this decision lightly.”

“Has Jim agreed to this?”

“He is considering it.” He looked at her briefly before his eyes dropped down and he moved closer to her before laying his head on her lap. “When you have been on duty I have often found myself in Doctor McCoy's company, unable to tolerate my own.” 

Nyota rested her hand on his head. Spock's own hands found her other free hand and grasped it. He was like this often. Desperate for contact and warmth. Comfort. 

“I am afraid that left alone in my current state and I will do something harmful to myself.” 

“Okay. If you really think this is the right thing, then I'll support you.” She picked up the book that was still on the bed and put it aside. “Get some sleep.”

“Will you stay?”

“Of course I will.” 

~

Nyota waited until Spock was asleep. 

It was another new trait of his to forgo sleep until he was simply exhausted and he would fall into a deep slumber for a couple of hours. Usually, it would take longer for his body to need to sleep, but as he wasn't meditating either, Spock was falling into more of a human pattern with his sleep. 

She didn't like to break her promise to him, but she needed to see Kirk. Carefully slipping off of the bed, she covered Spock and increased the heating in the room to ensure he would stay warm in her absence. 

Kirk's own quarters weren't far from her own, a few doors down and she headed to them and waited. The room was a much more comfortable temperature than what she'd just left but she had grown accustom to Spock's needs, so if it helped him, she didn't mind. This was something else she hoped to help him with. 

“You need to help Spock with his plan.” 

“I promised Spock I'd consider it. I have and the answer is going to be no.”

“What?” 

“Uhura, I can't send him back there, knowing what I know.” 

“You have to do this. He needs to go there. He thinks they can help him undo what was done.” 

“He hasn't told you what they did to him, and I understand why, but if you knew the sort of people we'd be dealing with, you wouldn't think it was a good idea. I know what's best for him.”

“You think because he hasn't told me I don't know what happened? I sleep in the same bed with him every night. With him clinging to me. You know how many times I've woke up alone since he got back? Every morning. Or I get woken by the nightmares that traumatise him so much, he refuses to go back to sleep. Don't you dare tell me you know what's best for him.” 

“I can't send him back there. If I fail the price is too huge. There's not even a guarantee that it'll work. It's such a huge risk-”

Nyota let out a breath to steady herself. “I know it's a risk and I know he means as much to you as he does to me. I'm always going to be the one who begged you to let him do this. If something goes wrong, it'll be on me, not you. I also think if you say no, he'll anyway. He needs your help.” 

“I hate this,” Kirk said. He looked miserable. “I thought when we got him back all those bad days were done with.” 

“I wouldn't be pushing for this if this wasn't the only thing that's given him hope. He can see a way out. Maybe it's crazy and it won't work. Maybe if it doesn't he'll have found some of the courage he needs to overcome this himself. What I do know is what he told me. He spends time with McCoy because he's scared to be alone. Not scared he'll be taken again, scared he might do something stupid. I can't have him tell me that and not do anything.” 

“Okay, you win. We'll try and get Spock back to the Red Planet.” 

Uhura nodded and let out a deep sigh. “I'm going to head back. I don't want him to wake alone.” 

Kirk nodded and watched her leave. He sat down at his desk and started to formulate a plan.


	19. Chapter 19

It took eight hours for the Enterprise to reach a safe distance from the Red Planet. From there, those going would be taking the smaller ship that had abducted Spock. 

McCoy was taking some readings from Spock. He had a good baseline for Spock and nearly all of his results were skewered compared to normal, either too high or too low. McCoy wanted to get the most up to date results and compare them to the results when Spock returned.   
He did it for the obvious reason but also to bolster Spock's own confidence in the plan which had been waning ever since Kirk agreed to it. 

The final test was done and McCoy sat down. “Listen, I've been giving this some thought. When you get back here, you'll have been rescued after being captured on Endana and none of these last few weeks will have happened for you. It's not going to take you long to realise something has happened. That you've lost weeks of time. And you're going to want to know why. So, I thought the easiest thing would be if you left a note for yourself in my care and I can give it to you upon your return. Because the thing is, if me or Jim or whoever else tells you not to go looking, you're still gonna go. I think you might be the only person you'll listen too.” 

Spock considered McCoy's words before nodding. “That does make sense,” Spock agreed. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“No problem. It just makes sense.”

“I did not just mean this idea.” 

McCoy nodded. “As I said, it just makes sense.” 

~

Scotty and Sulu were to accompany Spock on the craft as his captors. 

Jim would take a shuttle to be able to take a closer look at the planet. McCoy had tried to get Jim to let him take another craft down to the planet but Jim had refused on the grounds that McCoy would likely be too distressed if he witnessed too many bad things. He also wanted McCoy ready in case the plan went wrong. If it didn't work, Kirk dreaded to think how volatile it might make Spock. 

As the craft approached the ship it was scanned and permission granted for the landing, designating an area for them to go too. Scotty cuffed Spock just before they landed. 

“Remember to negotiate,” Spock reminded the engineer. 

“Aye, don't worry Commander. We know what we're doing,” Scotty encourage. The plan had been repeated so often he could recite it in his sleep by now. 

Once the ship landed, Scotty left the craft while Sulu stayed onboard with Spock, phaser poised at the door. Scotty took in the surroundings. Row upon row of buildings, all the same outwardly. A flash of light a few rows away and then a young man was striding his way over. 

“Hi,” he greeted Scotty cheerily. “Names Johnson. I see your craft was approved, so this isn't your first time.”

“Actually it is. The craft was abandoned, the crew dead so we took it for our own.”

“Ah, I see, well that's not a problem. We'll just get some details from you and then we can start to work on what it is you want to enjoy here.”

“Actually, I'm looking to see someone in charge. I think we have something you may be interested in.” 

“Well, Sir, as I'm sure you can understand, we do frequently get offers and we do decline them from our customers.” 

“Maybe you should take a look first.” Scotty encouraged. He headed back inside the ship, Johnson following behind warily. “There's no danger in here, I can assure you.” 

Johnson stepped inside the ship and saw the unconscious form of a Vulcan slumped in a chair.”I was expecting something more exotic than a Vulcan.” 

“Not just any Vulcan,” Sulu joined in. “First officer, Spock. Recent escapee from this very planet.”

“How do you know that? It's classified.”

“We have an insider on the Enterprise who has been very obliging. Worked in the med bay and is not above hacking into some files.”

“The Enterprise, huh? Think you could get Kirk?” 

“Let's deal with this one first.” Scotty suggested. 

“Okay, let's take him inside.” 

“Not so fast,” Sulu said. Johnson stopped. “We know we've got something good here, and we're not letting it out of our sight until we get a deal.”

Johnson smiled and nodded. “I like your style. Let me get the boss down here.” 

~

Petri and Klum boarded the craft with Johnson hanging back by the door. 

“Wow, we didn't think we'd see you again,” Petri said a smile on her face. She looked across to Sulu. “You have a price in mind?” 

“More than just a price.”

“We should go and negotiate. Klum, get him to medical and check him over.”

Sulu halted Petri. “He doesn't go anywhere without one of us. He's still our merchandise right now.” 

Petri smiled and nodded. “Fair enough. Follow me.” 

~

Scotty walked along beside Johnson. 

He was taken back by how friendly the people here were. He had expected the whole place to have an air of the criminal activity that was rife here, instead, it was like a friendly gathering. Johnson was chatting amicably to him as they made their way to the medical area where they wanted to check over Spock.   
He had to make sure that Spock didn't leave his sight and he wasn't sure exactly how he was going to achieve that if they insisted. 

“So, have you and your friend ever considered a career change?”

“How do you mean,” Scotty asked. 

“Recruitment. We're always looking for people with an eye for opportunity.” 

“Well, it's certainly worth thinking about.” 

Klum reached a panel and a door opened and they all entered. The room had one chair and a wall panel which Klum went to and activated. Scotty paid attention to what exactly he was doing a section of the floor became illuminated. 

Johnson pushed Spock to stand in the correct area as the scan was conducted. 

~

“So you're interested in my goods then, huh?” Sulu asked as he took the seat offered to him. 

“Very. As you can understand Vulcan's are hard to come by these days with the loss of so many. That Vulcan hybrid is rare although I'm sure they'll be plenty of hybrid Vulcan in a few years as they try and bump up their numbers however they can.”

“But only one that came before them.”   
Petri smiled. Sulu found her charming which disturbed him greatly when he considered what exactly they were discussing ever so casually. 

“What's your price, my friend?”

“Make me an offer,” he countered. “I want to see how serious you are.” 

Another smirk. She tapped a number into a PADD and slid it across the desk. 

Sulu frowned at the figure and made a one digit adjustment to it before returning it. 

“You want a lot,” she commented. 

“You just told me how rare and valuable this guy is. Your offer was low and you know it.”

“So why didn't you ask for more?”

“That's just the monetary reward. We've been out there a long time and we're looking for a more fixed location.” 

“We're not employing right now.”

“That's a shame. Okay, I'll take my Vulcan and go then.” 

“You're not standing up to leave?” Petri queried. 

“That's because you're not going to let me get to that door before you call me back. I don't like wasting my time.”

“Fine, I'll find you two jobs.”

“One final thing.”

“You're pushing it now.”

Sulu smirked this time. “Me and my friend- we get first dibs on him.” 

Petri stood up and held out her hand. “Deal.”

~

Klum looked at the panel as it alerted him to an incoming message. “Seems Petri's made a deal with your friend. Put him in the holding cell, for now, Johnson.” 

Johnson nodded and escorted Spock from the room. Scotty didn't watch him go hoping that Sulu knew what he was doing. They were supposed to be stalling the negotiations. They met up with Sulu and Petri who showed them what would be their own place. 

“Well, if there's anything else you need, just let us know,” Petri said, preparing to leave. 

“I was just wondering if we could see the rooms that you use. Get a feel for it for later.” Scotty asked. 

“Rooms?”

“You know, you can do whatever you want in them.”

“Ah, well we've had an upgrade. Come and see.” Petri and Klum lead them to a transporter where they beamed across into a viewing room.  
In front of them, in an arena they watched as a cheering crowd bayed for blood as two alien creature battled, one severely injured by this point and barely able to block the blows. Then, a final blow was dealt with the losing alien and it slumped to the floor, the crowd cheering louder than before. The victor paraded around the arena arms in the air as the losing alien was dragged to the side. A bright light flashed before the losing alien was dragged back out to fight again. 

“So what do you think?” Petri asked. 

Inwardly horrified, Sulu hoped he was masking that feeling well. “Fantastic. Although we were hoping to have a more intimate setting.” 

“If you want to fuck him, that's fine, you can do that we just have to restrain him first. And we just ask you don't kill him unless you do it in the arena.” 

Sulu was speechless and nodded his agreement. 

“What happens if he dies outside of the arena?” Scotty asks. 

“The same that happens if you die anywhere else,” Klum responded. 

“The holding cell's safe though, right?”

“Oh yeah, it's covered too don't worry. So we'll let you enjoy the show and just head back when you're ready.” 

Sulu nodded. “Thanks.” 

Once they were alone, Scotty turned to Sulu. “How the hell are we going to get him out of an arena full of people waiting for us to kill him?”

“I have no idea. We'll just have to stall for as long as we can.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Hey, Johnson?” Sulu called as he jogged to catch up to the other man. 

“Hi. It's Malone, right?” 

Sulu nodded at the fake name. Everyone here went by a fake name to keep their identity hidden so it felt a little more acceptable. “Yeah.”

“Can I help you with anything?”

“Yeah, we weren't aware of this whole arena thing when we were coming here.”

“Oh, is it going to be a problem? I know not everyone likes the idea but with the security risk before-”

“No, it's not that at all man, I just have a bunch of friends who would kill me if I didn't get them in on this. A chance to fight a Vulcan? C'mon man, that's some serious fun.”

“Tell me about it. I just hope he's as feisty as I heard he was in private.” 

“Oh yeah?” Sulu pried for more information. 

“He's not to be underestimated. He killed before. I don't doubt that he can do it again as easily as he likes.” 

“Yeah, well they're strong those Vulcans, huh?” 

“Sure as hell are.” 

“So anyway, can I head on out grab a few friends and bring them back. It'll take like a day?”

“Erm, I can't see it being a problem. I'd go now though to save delays and I'll let Petri know.” 

“That'd be great, thank you.” 

~

Scotty, going by the fake name Scut, was lead into the holding cell with Spock. 

He hesitated before he stepped inside. “Er, he is restrained, right?” he asked. 

The guard nodded. “He'll give you no trouble,” before he stepped outside, locking the door behind him. 

Scotty went over to Spock like he was checking the chains around Spock's wrists but he slipped out a tiny device and activated it. 

“Okay, that will cause interference so we can talk freely,” he told the Vulcan. “Are you okay?”

“I am fine,” Spock replied. Scotty noted no visible marks that he could see. “They just restrained me and left,” Spock added when he saw Scotty searching for evidence of brutality. 

“So, I have some bad news. They've changed everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said that before you were kept in a room and everything happened there. They have an arena now. That's where they'll be taking you.”

While there wasn't much change in Spock's expression, Scotty noticed Spock slump somewhat. “Jim was right. We should never have come back here.” 

“Sulu has gone to get reinforcements. Now we know about the arena he's told them he wants more for the show.” 

“And what do you think will happen when we get to the arena?” 

“We won't get to the arena. We'll have you out before then.” Scotty could see Spock wasn't comforted even slightly by his words. “We won't let you down. I promise.” 

“You should not make promises you can not keep.” 

~

Sulu met up with Kirk outside of the Red Planet. 

Sulu had already sent a message to have a group of three security to come down to meet him and Kirk on Kirk's craft. These were to be the friends Sulu had come to pick up. 

“I don't know what we're going to do, Captain. They've got an arena. That's where they'll take Spock. We won't get a chance to get him out of there.”

“There's no way Scotty can get a look at the technology?”

“I don't think so. We've got a day before they want to take Spock to the arena and they've stalled it for us, but I don't think they'll stall it for any longer.” 

“Okay, when the others get here, you go back with them and I'm going to be as close as I can get. That implant that Scotty made? You press that the second they say they're taking Spock to the arena and then I'll be there and The Enterprise won't be far behind.”

Sulu nodded. 

~

Scotty was still in with Spock when the door opened. 

“Sorry, have I been in here too long?” he asked. 

The man scoffed. “Not if you've been doing what I think you have.” The way the man was leering at Spock, Scotty didn't need to ask what exactly he thought he was doing. 

“I wouldn't be so foolish as to touch the Vulcan yet.”

“Why not? He's just property. Do what you want with him,” he said taking a few steps closer to Spock.

Scotty swallowed down the reply he wanted to say, forced a slight smile upon his lips. “I don't care what happens to him,” he said of Spock. 

The guard wasn't listening though and continued forward. As a hand reached down towards him, Scotty grabbed his wrist. The guard's eyes were ablaze at being stopped and now his full attention was on Scotty. “Do what you want to do, but my friend wants him untouched. And I wouldn't wanna be the man who went against his wishes. But I'm not going to stop you, you do what you want. Just don't say I didn't warn you.” 

Doubt was in those eyes now and Scotty hoped it was enough. “I'm out of here. Won't see him again until the arena. You coming?” Scotty went to the door and opened it. There was no way he was leaving Spock and that guard alone. 

“Ah, I guess I can wait a couple more days.” 

“It'll be worth the wait.”


	21. Chapter 21

As Scotty was heading back to his quarters someone called across to him. “Hey Scud, your friends on his way back. Looks like you're heading to the arena tonight.” 

“Oh, that's great!” Scotty enthused, keeping the smile plastered to his face until he was out of sight in his own quarters. Things were moving too fast. Even if he could convince someone to let him see the technology that allowed them to reset time, he was doubtful he'd have enough time to modify it as needed, that wasn't even allowing for the fact that he needed to have a reason to be interfering with the technology in the first place.   
He wondered why any of them had agreed to this plan, but he realised how desperate they all must have been. They wanted this to work out, but the logistics to make it happen seemed unlikely.   
Nevertheless, Scotty headed back out to try and find out what he could about the technology that ran this place. 

~

Things had been manic since Sulu returned. 

There was a buzz in the air and he kept having random people tell him how lucky he was to be getting such a battle. He went to his and Scotty's quarters and found his crewmate looking troubled. 

“The arena battles tonight!”

“Damn. We need to let Kirk know.”

“I already did,” Scotty said, signalling to the same implant he had. “I also got a chance to see the technology that they use for their screwing about with time and it's vastly superior to anything I've seen before. I wouldn't have a clue how to use it, even if I could get anywhere near to it.”

Sulu let out a sigh. “Okay, then we wait for back up. If they take us to the arena I'll try and stall them. If I can get them to let us swordfight, we could string that out for a while. Spock knows enough to be defensive and I can have a few near misses to keep them interested.”

“Well, it's a better plan than I've got.”

A knock at the door halted them as they called for their visitor to enter. The door opened and one of the many guards was stood there. “They want you to pick your weapons for the evening festivities,” they were told. 

The guard leads them to the arena where Klum was waiting for them. “Okay, just going to go through all the jargon needed for tonight. As it's your first time in the arena there are a few things we need to explain. So there will be a live audience which you can hear. Try to keep them happy. If the fighting is too tame they do get rowdy. That said, there is protection between the crowd and the arena so don't worry about that. So the amount rounds you want to go for can be 1 up to 10, but I wouldn't suggest going that high unless you really are a master with torture because so many can't think of creative ways to torture people it gets so dull waiting for them to die. You don't want to lose your audience. So, do you have any idea of how you want to torture him?” 

“Well, we were just talking about this. I am a master with a sword and I would really love to be able to use a blade.”

“Huh, sword. Don't get that very often. Knives are much more popular.” 

“Will he have the same sort of blade?” 

“No, it's not a fight. He's not armed.”

“Not even defensively?”

“Nope. If you go for the face, they'll use their arm. That's if you don't hack it off, right?” He laughed and Sulu and Scotty did their own impersonations of merriment and the vulgar comment. “So what about you, bud?” 

“Well, I er, I am liking the look of those knives.”

“Swords and knives, huh?” 

“Some whips as well,” Scotty added. 

“Good choice,” he nodded. 

“Anything else? You've got like one round's worth of torture here. Remember, the round won't end until he's dead.” 

“How about some blunt tools.” Scotty said again. He was nervous and trying to play the part of torturer as well as he could. 

“We'd like some chains as well. You think we'll get two or three rounds out of this?”

“Yeah, you could do. I'll make sure there are a few additional favours as well, they really spice this stuff up. You know a little acid and some fire to heat up some of the metal bits. Always goes down well.”

“They all sound great.”

“So we have you guys down for 5 rounds. I don't think you'll get five rounds out with this but your welcome to try. If you are out of ideas after two of three, we'll let one of the others on the list take the remaining rounds, okay?”

“Yep, not a problem.” 

“Okay, well we'll get things set up and someone will come and get you when we're ready.”

~

A guard named Trog came and collected Sulu and Scotty. They had the three other Enterprise crew with them by this point and had discussed some stalling tactics to try going as far as having one of them miss an attack on Spock and striking Scott- a suggestion he'd made himself. 

Once they entered the arena they were all surprised by the lack of crowd, although they could hear them but not see them. 

Petri was awaiting them.“Don't worry about that. They get impatient once they see people so just to give you a chance to get ready and feel like you're prepared.”

“We're ready,” Sulu said.

“Good,” she nodded. “That door over there will open momentarily. That's where your Vulcan friend will be. Good luck.” The crowd became visible suddenly and roared with approval.

The door behind them was shut and a locked clicked. The other door, the one she told them that Spock was behind opened and they waited momentarily for him to emerge. 

“I guess we go get him?” Scotty said. 

“Some things not right,” Sulu said and before either of them could say anything else, two huge humanoid-like apes emerged from the door, Spock dragged out between them, bloodied and seemingly unconscious. He was unceremoniously dropped as soon as they got out of the door as the creatures spotted the others and charged towards them. 

Sulu looked to the weapons they'd requested and as he went to grab one, his hand simply passed through it. “These aren't real?” he exclaimed. 

A voice spoke out over the roar of the crowd. “Your weapons are in the room the two creatures just emerged from. You each have one weapon from what you requested. One sword, One knife, one whip, one blunt tool and finally a chain. Make good use of them.” 

“Split!” yelled Sulu as all five of them went in different directions to avoid the ape-men.   
He ran as fast as he could and didn't dare look back until he was halfway across the arena, he saw that Scotty was being chased by one ape-man and Castle had the other following him. Sulu changed direction slightly as he'd been making sure he didn't lead the creatures towards a defenceless Spock.   
He reached Spock first, the other two ensigns getting to him seconds after. 

“Zellmore, get inside and get the weapons. Help me get Spock inside.” Sulu ordered Hardy. They carried/dragged Spock between them who was a dead weight. Sulu didn't even dare check to see if he was still alive yet.   
With Spock as safe as they could currently make him, Sulu and Hardy grabbed a weapon each and headed back to the arena. “One of you guard this door. The other come and help me even things up a little out here.” 

Sulu wasted no time heading over to Castle who had been knocked down and was struggling to keep ahead of the ape-man. Sulu struck the ape with the sword and prepared for another blow when a loud horn sounded.   
The ape creatures retreated and the five crew members gathered together. 

The sound of the crowd died down and the voice came over the speaker again. 

“You almost had us fooled.” It was Petri's voice. “And quite honestly, we would have put you in here for a normal battle had one of our patrons not recognised Lieutenant Sulu of the Enterprise. It didn't take long after that for us to realise you were all crew members. And then it all made sense, how you were obsessed with making sure no one got to Spock before you. I'm afraid we broke that promise to you. It just seemed like it meant so much. The one thing we can't work out is why you risked coming back here, the five of you and the Vulcan. Surely you don't think you can win?” 

A horn blared again and two guards dragged Spock back out onto the arena. An injection into his neck and a knife pushed into his hand and they went back into the doorway. This time it closed behind them as Spock eyed the men across the arena and he felt the effects of the injection coursing through his body.


	22. Chapter 22

Spock made his way quickly towards the other members of the crew. 

Once he reached them he seemed to remember the knife in his hand and he dropped it as if it burnt him. 

“I can not fight the desire to attack you for long. Do what you must to stop me.” Spock warned them. 

“The Chain,” Sulu said as it was handed to him and he quickly swung it to it wrapped around Spock's ankles. He pulled until the Vulcan toppled over. Spock wasn't fighting back against them as they rolled him onto his stomach and pinned his arms behind his back. “Wrap the chain around his arms. I think he'll be more dangerous with use of his arms than legs,” Sulu predicted. Spock started to struggle a little as they wrapped the chains tightly around his arms. They used the pipe, the blunt weapon they'd received to bind the chain together and secure it the best they could around Spock's arms. 

A beam of light flashed as someone beamed into the arena. A Klingon. 

Across the arena, a voice boomed. “For your entertainment tonight we have the esteemed Klingon Tsan. He has felt the wrath of this Vulcan before. Tsan punished the Vulcan so greatly that his mind snapped. And now he is back for vengeance. The Vulcan has been injected with a powerful drug that will soon turn him into the warrior we know the Vulcan's can be. An interesting battle I'm sure you'll agree. Add it to that, the weak humans who want no harm to come to their precious Vulcan, but do not think for a moment that once the Vulcan is free from chains and the drug is in full effect that he will not slaughter them.”

“What do we do?” Castle said, turning to Sulu. 

“We do out best to keep him away from Spock.” 

“Wouldn't it be better for us to release Mister Spock? He'd at least be able to defend himself properly?” Scotty asked. 

“No,” Spock said, still straining against the chains despite his protests not to release him. “I will not have the ability to choose who I go after soon. If he kills me, it makes little difference but if I kill you-” Spock didn't finish the thought. There was no guarantee that those in charge would bring back any of the enterprise crew should they perish in the fight. 

“We protect the Commander,” Sulu repeated. 

Tsan started to make his way towards the group. Spock was still lucid enough that Sulu helped him stand. Tsan's eyes were strictly on the Vulcan and he cared little for the humans in front of him. As he got closer, he was attacked but was easily able to push them aside. When Tsan reached Spock, he easily tripped him. Spock could not break the fall with his arms bound. Tsan kicked Spock in the head hard which restricted any struggle as the dazed Vulcan tried to recover. He pulled the pipe loose from the chains and then pulled the chains away, freeing the Vulcan. 

“I would like to see you kill your friends as much as I will enjoy killing you,” he mocked. 

He stepped away from Spock, taking the chain with him. He swung it wildly before bringing it crashing down against Spock's back. The heavy chain thudded against delicate flesh. Tsan swung again but the lash of the whip stopped him in his tracks. He swung round to the human holding it, locking eyes with Zellmore. “You'll pay for that, human scum.” He bellowed. As he started to walk towards the fleeing human, swinging the chain, he missed Spock grab for the knife he'd abandoned on the ground earlier. He picked it up and threw it expertly into the back of the Klingon's leg. He growled in pain and turned again. He reached down for the knife and pulled it out. 

“I shall use this to slice your throat,” he taunted Spock. 

“You fight like a typical Klingon. Hiding behind weapons as you're too weak to face anyone without.”

“You think so?”

“I know. I have defeated you before.”

The Klingon's face filled with rage at the reminder. He slung the knife to the ground and dropped the chain as he charged towards Spock, his leg injury not slowing him. 

The others watching expected Spock to do something smart as he came charging but the drug was overtaking, Spock's body was urging him to fight and he instead met the Klingon, grabbing his waist and taking him down as they locked into a ferocious battle. 

“Do we try and help?” Scotty asked as the two battled on the ground, testing one another's strength and trading blows. 

“No, not unless we have to,” Sulu said. “Just be prepared.”

Scotty did as he was told but something in the crowds drew his attention away from the battle in front of him. Unrest. They were losing interest in the battle as a murmur seemed to spread through the crowd and then he noticed that they were starting to leave.   
“Something's happening,” he said aloud. 

Spock and Tsan didn't stop fighting but the others looked and noticed. “What's happening?” Castle wondered allowed. A large explosion went off close by before someone beamed into the arena. Petri, looking dishevelled. “You all bought this upon us,” she said sneering at the crew. She levelled the phaser at Hardy, the closest to her and fired. Hardy crumpled to the ground with protests from the others. The distress from the crew distracted Spock from his own battle and he dealt an extra vicious blow to the Klingon to allow himself time to escape and help them. 

Petri wasn't even looking in Spock's direction so when he tackled her, she went down heavily. 

Tsan got up to go after Spock but Sulu headed him off with the sword. Spock pinned Petri down. “When you and your crew die here, they'll be no coming back. The machine is destroyed,” she said, a smirk on her face. 

If she wished to taunt Spock with the information it didn't work as she would have hoped. Rather than shocked disbelief, he attacked her mind with his own. “If I am to remain that which you have made me, you can share the same fate,” he said as he tore into her mind with his own. She screamed in agony at the attack and Sulu glanced his way. “Stop him!” he yelled to the others. 

He didn't care what happened to Petri exactly but he cared what destroying her mind with his own would do to Spock. Sulu's lack in concentration cost him as the Klingon managed to grab the sword from him, he swiped it slashing the helmsman across the chest. He fell to the side and watched in horror as the scene before him unfolded. 

The others were distracted trying to stop Spock from destroying Petri and they didn't see the attack coming. Tsan pushed Scotty to one side, swiped the sword from side to side to take out Zellmore and Castle. And then with one last ditched effort, he plunged the sword forward through Spock's back, the blade exiting out through his chest. Petri fell to the ground, released from Spock's hold. 

The Klingon pulled the blade free triumphantly as Spock's body fell to the ground. 

It was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think one more chapter......


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys, the very last chapter. 
> 
> This has been great fun to write and I hope you like this final offering.

Jim Kirk walked into sickbay after having been to see the body of Hardy in the morgue.   
The phaser that had been fired at him was set to kill. He hadn't stood a chance. Jim had already seen to it that the family was informed. 

He walked over to McCoy who was checking over Sulu's notes. “How's he doing?” Kirk asked. 

McCoy set aside his chart and took a few steps away from the bed so as not to disturb the resting crewman. “He's okay. Luckily the sword didn't get too deep and do any real damage. A couple of days rest and he'll be good as new.”

“And the others?”

“Zellmore and Castle both suffered some lacerations on their arm and torso respectively. Castle's arm injury was fairly serious but neither of them will suffer any long-term effects.” When McCoy didn't say any more, Jim grew nervous. 

“Spock?” 

“We should go to my office and talk in private.”

Jim nodded and followed McCoy. Once inside McCoy's shoulders slumped a little. “He's not out of the woods yet. I don't expect him to have any complications but you know how it is with Vulcan's, nothing ever simple.”

Jim nodded his understanding. “It's amazing we got him out of there.”

“Explain how that happened again? Last I heard it was some discreet little mission that no one was to know about. Especially Starfleet.”

“Well, officially they don't know. I called on a few favours from some of the closest starships. And I had to tell Ambassador Sarek what was happening and once I told him, he ended up with a fleet of ships of his own. The Red Planet's responsible for a lot of misery and it was time Starfleet stopped ignoring it and took definitive steps. The worse they can do to me is take away my Captaincy. So let 'em.” he paused for a moment before he spoke again, his voice not as strong as moments before. “I let Spock down. He got hurt again and he didn't even get the chance to make things right. Can I see him?”

“Sarek's with his right now and asked not to be disturbed.” 

Jim nodded. “Okay, just let me know when the rooms free, okay?”

~

Spock woke slowly. 

He knew before he opened his eyes he was on the Enterprise and from the sterile smell surrounding him, he knew he was in sickbay. Checking himself for what ailed him, he was able to locate two very serious wounds on his torso, entry and exit wound by all accounts and some less serious wounds scattered over his body. He wanted to move, to sit up. His body felt stiff and uncomfortable but he knew he would likely make his healing wounds hurt if he made such a move. 

Instead, he dared to open his eyes and see for himself. He was in one of the private side rooms. The temperature was in keeping with Spock's own preference, rather than the regular ship temperature. He cast back to his last memory. He was imprisoned on Endana and something had happened. He didn't know what but he still recalled a voice calling down to him. It was the last thing he remembered. 

He was alone and wondered where others were. 

~

Out in the halls of The Enterprise, Doctor McCoy and Captain Kirk escorted Ambassador Sarek down to the transporter room. 

“What do you mean he won't remember anything?” Kirk queried. 

“It was an option I wanted to discuss with my son originally. He was so against my help though it was not something I was able to approach him about. Miss Uhura mentioned very recently Spock's most recent plan to return to the planet to reverse what he remembered. She also informed me of Spock's despair. I can not allow my son to suffer when I can do something about it. It is unethical as a Vulcan to do such a thing as what I have done to him, to his mind.” 

“I don't think it's unethical for a father to do that.” 

“I have removed all knowledge of the events which happened. You have a ship full of officers dealing with the aftermath of those events culminating. You must protect Spock from it. The last thing he will remember if being on the planet Endana. It will be down to you to fill in what is appropriate knowledge for him to have.” 

“So you're saying you've just removed the last month of Spock's memories and you're leaving us to deal with the consequences?” McCoy asked. 

“There is no reason for me to be here. Spock would be suspicious.” Surak replied, ignoring McCoy. 

“Doctor McCoy,” came an announcement over the ship. “Please report to sickbay.” 

“Looks like he's awake. You coming Jim?” 

“Let me see off the Ambassador,” Jim replied. 

“There is no need. Go and tend to your duties. I shall be in touch.” 

~

When Jim entered the room, McCoy was helping Spock sit up enough to drink. 

“Just the man. Spock has a few questions about what happened.”

“Well, why don't I run through what happened and if there are any gaps you want me to fill in, you're free to ask, okay?”

Spock merely nodded. 

“Okay, so we left you on Endana and not long after, we received a distress call from the planet. We returned to find devastation and destruction and you missing. After a bit of work, we managed to trace a ship that had left the planet at around the time you were taken. He followed it. They had kept you drugged rather than face a possible escape. It took some time before we could rescue you. Unfortunately, they injured you in a bid to keep us from rescuing you. Obviously, it didn't turn out so well for them.” 

“I see,” Spock said. 

“No questions?” McCoy probed. 

“I feel everything was covered adequately.”

“I'm going to go and see Uhura. Let her know you're awake,” Jim said and dismissed himself. 

Spock looked toward McCoy. “You seem apprehensive, Doctor.”

“I was just worried about you, Spock. We all were,” he smiled. “Why don't I go and get you something to eat?” But he didn't want for Spock to respond. “I won't be long.” 

~

Uhura lay beside Spock on the biobed. 

“What are you thinking?” she asked him. 

“That it was very fortunate the crew managed to intercept the craft that had captured me. Did they find out what they were to do with me?” 

“No. They wouldn't say,” Nyota replied. “It really doesn't matter. As long as your safe.” her hand was on his arm, her thumb rubbing back and forward in a soothing motion, the fabric on the sheet between her and him. 

“Nyota?”

“Yeah?” 

“I am sorry.” 

She swallowed down a lump in her throat. Closed her eyes against the sting of tears. “What- what for?”

“I have been giving our relationship thought for a while. I believed at one time that we would cultivate a life for ourselves together. However, I believe my thoughts have been selfish to my species and to you. The Vulcan line is weak and us conceiving a child together would further weaken the line. It would also be proper for you to act like a Vulcan woman, not human when raising our child just as my Mother did.”

Nyota sat up so she could look at Spock. She was aware that he was still healing and not able to move much. “I understand. And I support your decision. You'll always be special to me, Spock.” 

“And you to me.” 

~

They had been rushing the injured crew from the Red Planet into sickbay when Sarek asked to speak with her. 

He had taken her into a private room and explained to her how he could help what exactly he could do with his mind and how he could just erase it all.

All Nyota could think about was Spock's despair. How deeply damaged he was from what had been inflicted upon him and how he was unsure of how exactly he would continue with such knowledge. She'd told Sarek as much. And his mind had been made up. 

But then he hesitated. “There is a price to pay.”

“It has to be worth it,” she had said. 

“He has a deep bond with you. You are mates and you bond and meld together. He would see the truth. He would know of the deception. To be truly successful, I will have to change his feelings for you. To make the realisation that this is no future between you so strong that he does not ever doubt it. You will lose him in a very different way to what you have feared.” 

Nyota's eyes were filled with tears and she nodded. “But he'll still be here. And if I can't have him, but he's still my friend, then do it. Do whatever you have to do.” 

Sarek nodded at her. “I am sorry it has to be so painful for you.” 

“I'll be fine,” she said. “As long as he's happy.” 

Sarek again nodded before leaving. Once the door closed, she broke down and sobbed. 

~ 

Spock was kept in sickbay for seven days before they let him leave. And Jim decided to keep him off duty so he could catch up on some of the lab work in the comfort of his quarters before they went for an extended leave. 

Spock had felt odd since waking up in sickbay. He couldn't quite place what the feeling was, but he knew he didn't feel quite right. Like a piece of him was missing. Something deep within did not feel right and no matter how much he meditated on the matter, he could find no way to ease the feeling. 

He considered going to a healer the next time they were close to New Vulcan. But that would have to wait a while. They were a long way from there currently. He did his best to ignore the feeling whenever he could.   
But it was more than just that. Spock felt disjointed from everyone. Like he was in a bubble. 

He found himself isolating himself, especially at meal times. He didn't feel it appropriate to sit with Uhura, despite there being no hardship between them, he was the one who ended it. She may wish to talk about a new romance and find herself uncomfortable in his presence. So he avoided her.   
As the bridge crew mostly sat together he ended up not sitting with any of them. On occasion, when he'd first returned and sat with them, he found it strangely awkward. McCoy and Kirk were the worst, with McCoy seemingly taking objection with anything he said. He fought against him so much so that Spock found it pointless trying. It had gone from friendly banter of the past to defensive rebuttal. And Spock did not have the energy to fight the doctor daily. Jim just portrayed such awkwardness that he left as soon as humanly possible. The others were just as bad. Chekov and Scotty, like Jim, couldn't wait to leave. Sulu tried. He would tolerate Spock more than any of the others and talk about botany, but it was clear he was trying, it was not natural.   
So Spock stopped trying too. With all of them. 

He resigned himself to eating at different times to the others and lying about what had delayed him from getting food earlier. None of the others cared to see through his lie, just grateful they didn't have to share their time with him any longer. 

Every day became the same. He would go for his shift, eat alone, return to his quarters and spend the night in solitude, working on rotas or lab work. He'd play chess against the computer. Jim never asked any longer.   
Very occasionally he would go to the rec room, just so that no one would say he was isolating himself from others. He sometimes took him lyre along and played.   
No one ever asked him to stay a little longer. He heard humans asking other humans to stay a little longer, just for another game or another drink.   
If it was quiet in there, he would play chess against the computer, a change of scene from his own room. No one ever asked him for a game. 

He sat there one night, watching two ensigns dancing and became envious of their touch. Not just romantically. He missed Uhura, but since his capture and the distance it had created between him and the others, he had found himself in no position to have any sort of connection to anybody. Jim, who was usually so tactile, was very cautious and careful with his touch. An occasional pat on the back. 

He found himself so touch starved that one day, he purposely dropped something on the floor and went to pick it up at the same time as a passing ensign. He let there be the briefest touch of contact between them. He'd been careful to block anything seeping across the touch, no matter how small, but to feel another even briefly felt wonderful. It only made it harder when he realised that unless he went around dropping things, no one on this ship would touch him. 

Maybe he didn't blame them for that. 

~

It was early in the morning. 

Most people weren't up yet. But he hadn't been sleeping well recently. So he would walk the halls.   
As he neared his own quarters, he didn't see the other man approaching and they briefly, both putting out a hand to stop the collision. Their fingers came within millimetres of touching before Kirk saw with horror who he was about to touch and drew away. 

“Sorry,” he laughed nervously. But he didn't fail to notice the hurt on Spock's face at having Kirk react too dramatically to almost touching him. “I- I wasn't looking where I was going.”

“It is my fault,” Spock said. He cast his eyes down and went to walk past Kirk. 

“We could.... we could have breakfast?” Kirk suggested. “It's a bit early, but we're both up and... it won't be crowded.” There was a note of hope in his voice. 

Spock considered it for a moment. “I am not hungry,” Spock said honestly. “But perhaps you would like a game of chess?” Spock watched Jim carefully and he did his best to hide it, but it was there. The same horror as almost touching Spock. Spock looked down. He knew rejection was coming and he couldn't bear to see it. 

“I'm sorry, I'm just... I can't. Maybe -another time, huh?”

Spock nodded but didn't look up. “I must get back to my quarters. I am about to meditate before my shift.”

“Yeah, okay. I'll see you around.” Jim said, but Spock never said another word as he disappeared into his quarters. He missed the pain etched on Jim's own face as he stood looking at the door for a few minutes afterwards, wondering if he could make things right before heading off alone. 

Spock went into his empty quarters. He looked at the chess set he had out still, in hopes that Jim would come to play at sometime. It was now painfully obvious that he wouldn't and in a fit of anger, Spock swiped the board from the table. The pieces clattered against the wall.

The sound echoed around the room, the way things did at night and Spock walked over to his bed and sat down.  
And he'd never felt so alone before.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it!  
> I'm so sorry but I LOVE my super depressing ending. When I started writing this today. Sarek was always going to fix Spock, that had been the plan for a bit, but I was going to have a bit more regular ending to it and then I thought about the rejection idea and mirroring it to the beginning where Spock is isolated. 
> 
> I have another story I am keen to write and I might set it as a sequel to this, so don't despair too much. :)


End file.
